Wednesday, June 30, 2010

By Now

Where would we be by now

Walking out
You glanced
Your eyes met mine with silence
We both starred.
Our first meeting
You were alive, again.
As your assumptions greeted confirmations
I sat waiting for you to speak a word
Slowly lingering from each movement of your tongue.
You were alive, again.
Breathing a different air.
Next to mine
We kissed with our breath.
As we both said hello.
Not once did your eyes stray.
I was caught.

We met minds on paper before this.
Made love between lines
Constrained and separated
In different locations
Yet intertwined
We were selling our souls
With each letter.
Hoping to meet passion
Face to face.

Way before you licked
The stamp.
Sealed
The envelope.
Before you found my existence.
And ascribed your thoughts in desperation
For a voice.
I know we crossed paths twice before.
In another lifetime.
Our souls just weren't present
Our hearts weren't open
Our minds had yet to greet each other
With curiosity.
Correctly
Passionately
Truthfully

And where would we be
If all things were different
Woven on trust in the consistency of each movement
Honesty has become a game of ask and tell
Truth and dares are sealed within each anticipated letter
And if left to long
Ink grows fonder
Throwing away "please don't write me" anymore
Having scribed "I'm mad at you"
a thousand times with my heart
All because a holiday delayed our love.

We, you and i
Making pages echo
So that others around read with envy
a prize possession
Everyone soaks in our beauty
Mail time becomes literary orgy's
That I don't mind.

Let us drift to free space
Travel the world through images and scents.
My photographic memory
Sealed within fragments
For each day you have served
Our love will last another
Writing volumes
Exchanging vowels and consonants
We have created our own alphabet
Dictated by emotions.

But nothing compares to that single moment.
When eyes touch
Silence with presence
Name to face
Soul to soul
We stood speechless
For every letter wrote
Now meant nothing.
Yet everything.

And so what If I could break you away
For we have already spent time removing obstacles
Ganesh like-
Mentally
Would things change?
How would we vocalize our love?
Giving life to letters, who now see death?
Warm smiles met with envelopes
Now greeted with hugs and hold me.
What would we become?
If the mail man quit delivering hope?
And your ink ran out of motivation
If things were so much different
What's the chances we would be too.

I'd rather things remain
And I fall in love with the alphabet over and over
Or have flashbacks of your smile
How we crossed the universe
To inhale next to each other.
And with each silent moment
I can feel you
Next to me.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Monday, June 28, 2010

I hate you

I hate you.

You met me at my lowest. Yet found peaks within my vallies. Attempted to climb and shatter all records of lasting at the mountain top the longest. You win.

I hate you.

You slipped so smoothly within my day. Becoming my schedule, outlining how I will love myself first and you second within each minute. Having days overlapping, and lingering into each other.

I hate you.

How sneaky you are to have planned these sincere gestures, love lies, and mistress like nights as you cheat on sleep with me. Skipped meals for me. And ran from obligations to reorganize priorities to include the making of us.

I hate you.

The way I don't have to ask many questions because with the movement of your tongue, our thoughts are parallel, and sync. For you have answers beyond my recognition and intake. Mute to your touch. Speechless from such pleasure. I wish I could capture our silent moments.

I hate you.

Tender touches, succulent kisses. You seem to know how to nurture each portion. Nibbling at my heart with casual conversation. You have studied my pleasures. And mastered my virtues.

I hate you.

Soft and slowly you move to caress me. Massaging my ego with adjectives and affirmations. Picking at every nerve and muscle, kissing every emotion, poking fun within every moment. You have memorized my smile.

I hate you.

Blushing through conversations. Unseen. You always know. My muse. Inspiring me to create better than your existence. To live past the joy of your simple presence. Saving each memory to live within and beyond me. Our kin.

I hate you.

Caring through intentions. Moving without sight and living without weight. Letting go ego and pride, they live outside our interactions. You have managed to actually invade my privacy. And become an aspect of my personal life. Pillow Talk

I hate you.

Just when I thought it was over, before the labels, the love,the laughs and tears. You tickle my heart with necessity. Without glowing, my light wouldn't shine, you continue to turn me on, helping illuminate my spirit.

I hate you.

You know every inch of my body. The angle of every curve. The complexion of every stretch mark, location of every scar and mole. You have become entranced in my being. So much that I am now in your dreams,more than your reality.

I hate you.

You miss me. I like you. You love me. I want you. We both don't need any of this. Yet it seems to right. What about the world makes us not appreciate being loved?

I hate you.

My pages fill up about you. Completing lines and rewriting poems. You have made a name for yourself with the blog of my life. I wish it was that easy to keep you around.

I hate you.

But please don't ever leave me again.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Friday, June 25, 2010

service

Until one is commited,
There is hesitancy,
The chance to draw back-
Concerning all acts on initiavtive and creation,
Trher is one elementary truth
That ignorance of which kills
Countless ideias and splendid plans:
That the moment one definetly commits oneself
Then provident moves too,
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,m begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
-Goethe

Thursday, June 24, 2010

she said

11/2004

she said:


being alone teaches you
things about yourself
that you've never known
opening opportunitiy
and possibility
to increase
wisdom
grace
knowledge
and strength
and when united
with that special
equal
one
you can teach him
all you know.

stream

2008

love
loving life for simplicity
being simple
lust that is meaningful
meaning
reason
union
communion
communication
faith brings justice
believed
to dead ends
dead ends make new paths
new beginnings
beginnings
freedom
freedom
free from
free
from?
Lies
Matter!
Justice sells-out
Laws are written
Not practiced
Systematic failure
Corruption sequence
President people system
People system president
Hope lives
Where faith slept
Last night
Prostitute
Selling life.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

New Hampshire: Day 3

I wonder what would I have preferred if I didn't know anything but. What would life be like if I were only contained within my box. Seeing everything as different and wrong, different and right, or just different.

Stuck with the reality of an illusion. Simply put the illusion of my reality being an illusion. Its much more difficult for us to not appreciate the meaning of existence. Rather than to attempt to weigh each moment on a scale of life's fuck ups and attempts. Or on your ego's should have and wish I didn't.

Its a shame that we always want to think hopeful and positive when reflecting on the possibilities of life being so much different on the other side of the fence. But what about the simple pleasures within our own realities. The things we continue to take for granted yet are quickly yearning when snatched away.

The idea of culture being so ingrained into our daily activities. into our lifestyle. Our language. Our conversation and demeanor among others. How it subtly dictates our dress and walk, and the way we interact.

Culture has become to natural that its obsolete until met with discourse, difference, or understanding. We have become so in tune with our likeness of each other that we don't appreciate our difference in the same light.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere you will soon find yourself. When surrounded by strangers you will eventually make a friend. And when left to roam the lands, one will eventually plant a seed. It is innate for us to unite and grow. In every sense of the words. We just have yet to recognize this potential, and utilize this power.

We live with so much effort, that we forget to sometimes just flow with time. That outside connections, worldly topics, multimedia vibrations, and technology can all be distractions. The mere interruptions of the best interactions available: the union of life and breath. Culture and expression. Words and thought. Action and compassion. Justice and practice. Freedom and existence. We must learn to see with our eyes closed. Thinking outside of shapes. And expanding our selves as beings. Most of all remembering it starts within.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

today

11/9/04

Lets start a revolution
A revolt
A strike
A protest
Lets uplift our communities
Lets carry them to a land
Scribed progress
Freedom
Preservation
Ambition
To a better time
A promised land
A future
Of an end
To all injustices!
We face now!
Lets start…
Today!

The View

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sex

Sex.

Sexual adventures on lands that are foreign but yet familiar. I do it backwards. I do it side by side. I do it in the middle. Before all else fails and all else comes into existence. I do it.

Breaking codes of ethics and morals... I don't want to fall for him. Don't want to fall in love with him. I just want to be in between his miseries and fantasies... in between his blanket of hope and retreat... in between his hellos and good bye... and in between I want him... I let him... Take vacations in between my thighs.

Because I can.
Because I can.
Because I can doesn't always mean I should but because I shouldn't doesn't always mean I would.
If he was here.

And if he was here then maybe I wouldn't. Need to write this. Explain this. Recite this. Rework my explanations in words and sentences that come to simple meanings for complex emotions of my backwardness.

How I like to eliminate the frustration. The I am shy... I don't want u to touch me... I don't know how to let you in... Don't know how to let u love me... don't know how to release and rewind... or just let go and give in. I like to skip all that.

You see my body is not my fortress.
My body is not my fortress.
It is not my controller,
Not my destroyer.
Not my quick fix.
It's not me.
It's my coverage.
My cover.
My coverage.

It's the outer portion that seems to label me not enough feminine... yet sexy. Yet wanted. Yet freaky... yet woman. Yet different. Yet human. It's my image.
Your image of me.
It's not me.
It's not me.
It's my coverage..

And so I like to do it backwards... skip a few steps here or there. skipping steps of mental connectivity to physical abilities doesn't determine me. It doesn't limit me. It propels me. It fuels me. It gives me fire to drive and drive to spit fire. It inspires me. You have no idea why.

See it only allows those worthy of my mind to captivate me. The coverage can take anything I need. But the mind and soul I need to stay strong for me. No impostors who don't care for me. No busters who don't love me. No lonely no empty no foolishness no pity... no room for neither or either or other or and. no room for conjunction phrases that connect the weak with me.

My outer can absorb all the flakes. And fakes and the lies. All the cheating. All the crying. All the schemes and all they deny. My mind will never fall to the games. Because I skip steps. Let them in to the most important last and the best... well of course it's always the best.

I let them into the best when I am in need. I am full of greed... searching for answers to my hormone driven dreams and false hopes of the next him being the best him, instead he is only another him before he.

And yet I continue... I continue this way... hopping past obstacles... and frustration. Eliminating the dating thing. Or the I want u to get to know me thing. Moving past all the bullshit... all the phony I want to impress you shit... quick lies and long nights... I miss u phone calls and baby comes over please... nonsense.

All that leads up to only the same thing I give. In avoidance of that entire why do I care... shit. Why did I let him in and let him move me shit. nah... all that I would rather skip. Just fulfill my craving and move him on his way tip... if... he last more than the lies stated before he put in... Before he called ... before he walked in, my life and messed up my day by throwing desire my way... if he last past.

And let's say he does. Let's say the night we spent only pulls me in... After he has satisfied my coverage... been in service... after he awakes the next day next to me. By my side... not inside me. But by my side next to me. Under me. Near me... hugging... kissing... loving... cuddling... with me. Because last night sent me to moons on planets that don't exist... and had me counting stars for all the lost minutes... I spent in his universe.

If he can take me away from all this hate... all this blame. All these freedom lies and injustice lives died for a land claimed free by the man who lied. If he can take me away from fear... into his realm of serenity. Away from hope but closer to possibility... then he has lasted a night. And spent years in my soul. Implanted his name on my mind... and forever created a place to move beyond the physical. Beyond the cover.

Beyond the mold... beyond my alife sneakers, red pumps wearing only sum times, make up n mascara having... I love it clean look. My outer appearance created to mask the illusion of my insides being more than bruised, more than swollen, but golden. Diamond encrusted rough and majestic. No shape. No distinct me. Just rustic. Then maybe if he last past that night he will enjoy the site of all to see.

Because all to see is more so read than envision. More so wrote than spoken. More so in front of him everyday in my speech, in how I am broken... how each sentence is broken... yet fixes me. How my poetry fixes me. How he inspires me. Writes that corrode my brain with emotion... only outlet is a quick fix for me. Poetry.

Because u see I already got the best physical connection he could ever b. ever give me. So what's left is this mind interaction. My interaction with the word... with the voice... the letter. Each letter... and him. And him. allowing him. Allowing him to hit the draw bridge... and cross the mote. And tame my castle. To roam my castle. And await the thrown. In my mind... on the path to my soul. That's why I skip steps... wouldn't you?

As a poetress my beauty lies in my mind not my body... all else is to be determined.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

love

Love 3/14/08

I miss your ability to rub my rights when necessary. Your desire to ease my day with a slip in. Reorganizing my thought process with you taking up most of them. I recite songs in tones that only you can appreciate. Scribing emotions only you can relate. I just wish its you I could recreate. At time of discourse, disgrace, and dismay, call out your name, and it will all go away. I miss your sweet embrace. There when all else falls, and leaving everyone needing you. Appearing not always for selfish intake, but moment to remember that life is what we make. I miss my love and the drive in my tips that you motivate. Woven poetry from a blank slate.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

am

I am :
 Poetress
 Prophetsizing
 Educated women
 Trying to achieve the imporssoble and change everything
 Mixed bread
 Minority
 Racially complex but black fed
 Strong minded
 Under paid
 Mentally overworked
 Craving change
 One show
 Multiple aspirations
 Endless ability
 Consciously aware of the ignorance and adversity
 Seeking to publicise the evils in society's reflection
 Able to communicate through multiple means of expression
 Sister daughter neice aunt cousin best friend
 Expressionist
 Demanding shit
 Controlling my success
 My art
 My life
 My gift
 The future
 My hope.

Monday, June 21, 2010

My Summer Journey

So I have been traveling for the past month. My job with AmeriCorps ended and I had a few weeks before my next gig, so I spent some time in Savannah visiting family.

In Savannah, I got slapped in the face by some 100 degree weather. Laid out on the beach. Danced and sang with my friends- thanks Kat. Had a good midnight walk with a buddy. And laid out at the park- tanned in 30 mins! Most of all I slept some of the best rest I had all year.
So from Savannah I drove back to Atlanta for Kat's. (@kattypee) bday dinner... And a few days before my long drive to NY! Nothing like driving 16 hours. Stopped to see my homie 'K. Reese in Nati and then made it to the Roc (Rottenchester) by dark.

Was good seeing the family. I can never stay in Rochester more than 4 days though, before boredom sets in. Saw both my brothers kids (both sets of twins) and even visited my brother who is locked down for a second. Good to see everyone! Eat some good food.

Now I'm in New Hampshire for this summer gig. The drive up here was crazy. I am not used to driving up hills and mountains. So going through Vermont was stupid dumb. Especially seeing Knights of Columbus, fuck the police, and no ethnic people anywhere. Still have yet to meet any... Go figure. Though everyone has been really nice. The campus I am teaching at is beautiful! Lake side, on the coast. I am looking forward to experience something new. Living care free in the woods for a bit. And making some new connections!

Til then....
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

some old ish

Close your yes
Let me take you away
Inside my temple
I will send chills down your spine
Marinade your mental
Send lava through your veins
Like an addict with a needle
Leaving you itching
Having you desiring for me
Making this seem inhumane
Animal instincts controlling your mainframe
Trapping you in paradise you will never want to escape.

Travel Shots to New Hampshire

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A relationship built on secrecy

A relationship built on secrecy

A relationship built on secrecy can never equal those made to the public. False hopes and broke badges link strangers to roads of heartbreak, founded on false intensions, lies., and decit.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

X2C

X2C
________________________________________
Everlasting
Volumizing
lavishing Emotions
Overwhelming lucid value

Stripped layers of deep thought
Unwind relaxing my mind
Connection permeating in many ways

Eternal soul surviving
Early memories
Childlike feelings controlling the commotion
Assimilating to unite within me

Working obsessively
Cultivating
Massaging my internal

Reflection of the other
Manipulating your talents to ease my stress
While you find guidance in my sight
Getting lost in my eyes

I want engulfing lessons of satisfaction
Everlasting
Abundant

emotions
Encompassed in your speech
Meaning everything to me

So please
Just tell me you love me
So I can crumble in ecstasy

thinking outloud I

Marriage aint nothing
But a picture painted gold
Of a moment that may sometimes look horrible
But is worth so much

thinking outloud II....

2005


Illusions of a fa├žade I painted
With color stencils given by you
If only I knew your thought were tainted
My painted photos would have long
Been trash

the dedication

6/08
The dedication

Loving him.love in him, loving them. Them
Beauty in life. Death. Beginnings and change. Expression
Seeing. Strength in hope,faith,and unity. Finding reasons. Finding
Believing reasons.finding peace. Making peace. Appreciation
Recognize the invisible. And erase the forseen. Dreaming into reality
Escalating above standards, setting standards, breaking limits. Expecting.
Settling for progress in achieving success. Change is good. Necessary
Carrying for the self I see in people, envisions of prosperity. Manifested
Hunble beginnings allows room for tears, risks and default. Mistake smake examples.
Experiences done twice before have made accomplishments worth treasuring.
Values. Moral.s manners, and unwritten microscripts make up my soul.
Literary powers of educational prizes of life changing knowledge.
Pricesless desires I claim with strokes. Poems. Words. Prayer
Weak minded propel my intellengence through question and practice.
Loving him through she has given me heart. Bleeding everydeay. Human.
Friends renamed family define my development. With influence.
Penmanship changes and styel growth, but words remain. Vivid. My void.
Untouchable, attempts to grasp the untouchable,casue confusion. Trial and error. Life.
Dedication, rememberance, appreciation for time that allows me to fluctuate.
Between thoughts, conception, fantasy, and reality. Words. The art.
Ability to manipulate lines into emotions for all.yet mostly. Me
Art work. His art work. Their art of working life through. Working on life through words.
And life is working on me. Working through me in words.
The dedication
The art dedicated to the art of being the future. Promising.tru realist are built on hope.

the L word (2004)

2004

love
love good
bad
love
mmm...
undeniable
indescribable
touch me
hold me
sex me
love
feelings
emotions
swirling
twirling
lust
for love
needing
wanting
hoping
missing
craving
taking
no giving
your not receiving
love
sky is my limit
life is endless
love
pain
days go on
for i am strong
with
or without u
love
sex is all
sometimes
all
lust
wanting it to be more
love
easily said
hard to express
immeasurable
literally
imaginative
but reality
love
my love
one love
first love
long love
last love
lost love
i need
love
i miss love
i want love
the L word

Saturday, June 19, 2010

just be

7/2008

i want you.
i want you to know me
understand
finsih
and complete me
i want you to be able to feel me
feel my wants and dreams
absorb me
caress me
massage my mind
i really want you to like me
to love the me i am
to want
to appreciate
to cherish me
i want you to follow me
glide my fears and desires with me
travel with me
unite with me
i want you to join me
to be me
to beleive in me
i want you to be yourself with me
be yourself through me
allow me
invite me
WRITE ME
push me
i want you to let me in your world
take a ride with me
stroll a journey with me
let me.
i just want you to be.
and with that ...
be good to me
good for me
just allow me.. dont fight me.
i just want you to be

my essence (2004)

8/2004

my essence...

it cant be bottled for sale
and if u do try it
u can not run and tell
but....
my essence drips of sultry confidence...
of tasty pleasures of hope....
my essence dips inside me as it will into u
it magnifies my glorries
and exempts me from all my worries
my essence....
it propels my fears....
ending... my limits
streams of my essence follows my stride...
it makes me glow.. uncontrollably..noticably....
even afta all my lonely nights...
i kno
i kno u want it
u want it so bad u'd do all to destroy its holder....
......my essence......
man... i told u tho... my essence .. its not for sale...
u cant sell THIS in a bottle
u cant sell THIS in jus some store
u cant buy THIS feeling from some peep show... where ur staring at all ur dreams....
all ur desires...
u cant buy THIS feeling
I'M SORRY...IT'S ALL SOLD OUT....
so u prolly wonderign..
wat does it taste like....
u see it comes in gallons drinkable only by the fealress....
by the brave hunger clouds..above us.. that only desire all wat my essence is
wat does it taste like...
like flavoured rain drops from heavens cup.....
wit cubes frozen full of HIS power
floating amogst my essense
and so ur prolly wondering....
wat does it feel like...
like...umm... when ur body's numb to all feeling and emotions
but to only loves sensitivity
does ur soul's temperature rise
to warm....
so ur prolly wondering....
wat does it look like...
like.. whew.. it looks like HIM....
yeah like HIM.. i said it...
that one that always maeks love to u so good
in ur dreams
that u wish ur eyes were foever sealed shut....
cuz when u wake u can never see his face
oooo.. o....yes.. it looks like HIM... like HIM....
yes.. it taste like that
and yes it feels like that...
and o def does it look lie that
so i kno u want some
but like i said
MY ESSENCE
IT AINT FOR SALE.....SORRY!

Friday, June 18, 2010

IF ONLY (2005)

2005

if only

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if only
he could
wet
my mind
moisten it
wit kowledge
to continue living
i want
him 2 capture the world
in his hands
and
masssage my thots
calm me
from worries
of failure
my fears
of never suceeding
enlighten me
ease my stress
plesure me
until past problems
of lonely nights
no longer
become
future preminitions
he could
impregnate
my mind
with his inteligence
at any given day
at any given time
i'd love to
walk with him
carrying our enlightend seed
but first
he must know
if only he knew
how to wet
my mind
in this necessary way.

jill scott inspired

6/2008

Listening to Jill Scott sing verses I wish I could tell u. copying emotion and words to equate my life. The love she sang about in songs leaves my desire to call u increased, by my want to touch you. And so..

“It’s so hard for me to say this
I'm struggling to find the right words
What I've felt is past tense
What I feel you just haven't heard “(I think its better)


And yet you’re gone. I am alone. And no where to be found is your love for me in between these songs and sentences. Time has past since our last speaking and replays of your voice repeat on the night hour especially. Or the early rise time. And yet she sings those songs of words I have been writing for months, but have not spoken in years.

'You love me especially different every time...' (He loves me)

True feelings of question mixed with certainty of understanding the knowing but desiring the invisible, of being within the presence and absorbing someone essence, all the while not knowing more than the illusions your mind creates off the feelings your heart makes, from the time spent on Saturdays.
And yet…

”You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me ,You school me, give me some things to think about ,Ignite me, you invite me, you co-write me, you love me, you like me ..“(He loves me)

She said. And I feel it, even after the 12 hour mark of cuddles and consul. And so I play her on repeat.... so I can repeatedly remind myself of the purity of such emotion. How her voice coincides with the thoughts running in my mind...

“They say I'm crazy the way you got me open, baby ooh
They say I'm buggin' the way I'm top sweatin' your lovin', ooh
They all sit and wonder why this feelin I can not hide
It ain't a question of pride, ooh
It's love, ooh it's love (its love)


And at times I agree. I currently spend countless hours not missing our physical moments of intimacy, but better yet your way to convey your inner thoughts with your presence and speech. Our conversation. Connection. And yet I say....

“Give it up, give it up, give it up, give it to me
Gimme that love, gimme that love, gimme ...” (its love)


Because I am sure if I can want to conquer the insecurities of your inner soul, I would not mind being within your temple... I have desires to transcend such connection of being misguided by life quest and stress conquerors without the assistance of friendship censors and love. And I miss u... and yet

“Honey molasses, ebony majesty
Chocolate brown shuga, sweet epiphany
I waited for your call but you chooz not to call me
I wonder what happened
Were you inside a safe space and too I wondered
Were you thinking about me and if you were
Why was I feeling so lonely” (honey molasses)


Was it all jus magic... I don’t know whether to write or sigh...stuck in a fantasy land both of us are fond of creating.. Yet mine is more real in my dreams than in my (your) arms. Because as I began... I end... things she sings I have been writing for months... and yet when I have desires to be the star in your shooting range that evokes thought instead of pain... when I want...but I am gone. U r gone. And so I wait... for that phone call. That visit. The dictionary entry. Wu tang love. Our inside listed for only our confirmation.... And instead when here come flashbacks…

At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one
I felt like cayenne pepper, red, hot, spicy
I felt Dizzy, Sonya, heaven, and Miles between my thighs
Better than love, we made delicious
He me had, had me he
He made me tongue tied
I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts” (love rain)

And I think about how he is not here. ..And so I jus play Jill on repeat... and she keeps me... in visions. Until the next track…meeting. Nite cap.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

untitled

7/2004

untitled

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

his mind latched onto mine
pumpin it wit knowledge
to continue existence
he teaches me
as if i were his only student
about all life is
all life could be
for me
his heart
is written are his words
with bloody letters
expressin his tru emotions
he has captured me
my mind
the controller of my body
his presense
his knowledge, wisdom, and grace
has changed me
forvever it will be among me
linger with in me
for he has quenched my thirst
for hope, for faith
in mankind
for i have already fallen for him
b4 i found
all truths
b4 i even met him

if only u could marry someones mental....

side walk strokes

4/2008

documenting cycles of life
on paper with ink filled emotions
historically,
new to the art of me
paintbrush strokes of images sweet like u
framing words into hugs and kisses for me,
expressing the art passionately,
scenario similar to the past
all but perfectly
except this hope
unwritten conclusion
will seem to end differently...
confirm the illusion of feelings masked
by innocent
matched with innocence
leaving temptation and fear
masters of destruction
and love way to far behind
with this new found ammunition
with old wants for such end to the reign of lonely living
ready for attack I stand
open
bulls eye
on my chest
targeted for all u have to give to me
wishing no harm on either soul
jus imprints mentally
detaching my leaving from existence
maneuvering my linguistics to include u in every sentence
and happy after it
flipping back pages of past entries
rewriting poems to include
the second coming
yet I never had thought of such ever occurring
and so these words work perfectly
creating dreams from misery
only to rework mysteriously...
and so u have read pages inside
leaving me speechless and blank
and we write chapters alike
connecting us despite whatever road we may take
continuing to scribe words on my mind
with your inner heart
I have found solace in your sun set
even when its dark
attempting to document this moment
in more than a text message
capture this feeling
from more than u will ever believe me
wishing u understood all u are teaching me
and so I stand wide open
for comfort
setting barriers for pain
ignoring I am leaving
wishing u here
not far and between
on a distant land walking on the red sea
streaming the city
searching for artistic influence
ready to adapt words
attach emotions and feelings
documenting your history
all I hope is it includes me.
Presently
futuristically
Ever after....
and happy.
Listening to Donuts

Monday, June 14, 2010

Write ( Right)

give me a reason to love you. or bet yet give me a few not to. I'd rather extend my most vulnerable being than to live in regret of not loving him. and to think he is me in reverse. backwards, and inside out.. so what else more could i not ask for. what more should i ask for. and they say that the destiny of your ancestors becomes your dreams an yet i just hope my dreams are not deferred. and that the mis education of blacks does not become the ignorance of all... falling victim to generational misguided curses, focused on the lack of life priorities than life stability.. it has left countless children with no sense of family. and yet i am willing to throw my emotions away for the hope that faith lives in the true beauty of love. and not in the heavens and clouds that everyone says they are on. or wishes to climb too.

and so i write. and so i write my soul and bleed this love for words that express me in ways i cannot even equate at times. and so in this corner, between these lines. with the stroke of each letter is where my heaven and hope and faith live... and the power of my wonder to express this beauty... believing that what i write.. i right into existence.. powering my vision into living.. and these words of dreams become reality... and so i write. and i love. and i have faith.. an i live. with each day a more promising step for completion... and thats why i am. Me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Never Knew

It feel like I never knew love until I met him.
But that is a lie.
Even though with each glance I feel like I am learning to love over,
since I met him.
And at times I feel like I couldn't have found love again without him.
His grace and patience.
And yet with all that said,
I don't love him.
I find trouble in loving him,
or even in the simplest form of such definitions.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Change Gonna Come

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come,
oh yes it will
I go to the movie and I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me don't hang around
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come,
oh yes it will
Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees
Ohhhhhhhhh.....
There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come,
oh yes it will
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Saturday, June 12, 2010

In the shadows

Got the opportunity to take some lines and energy and collide them. The creation speaks for itself.

SN/FN: Wrote it in a "forward" movement, yet swapped it all, and typed it "backwards". So it reads either way (top/bottom or bottom/top)

Enjoy!
------------------------
Joski Diesel & Jerome Dickens
Collaboration

Even if it last for seconds …

One
You and I
Reality
Unrated visions
Falling
Every exchange
Fiery
Each touch
The rush
Each extremity
Blood flows

Intertwined
Intensity of becoming conjoined
Condensed with pleasure.
Sheets sticky from humidity
Misty
Hiding within each crevice
Blending into one another
We are camouflage

Becoming.
My anxiety to explore
Contentment
Our rhythms in tune
This heartbeat
Intimacy
The closeness of life
Arousal
The pressing together of flesh
The exchange
It begins.

Dreams lived.
Emotions high.
Illusions become reality.
Forever united.
He is captured.
Moments of ecstasy
Caught in a web of ease
She ascends
Bodies vibrate to the beat of passion
Post thunderstorm breeze.

Unified
We are one.
Endings meet beginnings.
Nerves sizzle..
Skin against skin.
Wind caressing our movements
Moving with the breeze of desire.
High
Free
Effortless
Absorbed
No fear can capture this love.

Singular.
Complete
One.
Honey dew.
Chocolate complexion.
The sweet warmth of our bodies collide
Everything is energy.

The first rays of sunshine
Blinds our eyes
We awake.
As one.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Friday, June 11, 2010

In love ( with poetry)

You've got me.
You've got me open so wide,
I can see the world between.
Open.
Like purity.
You've got me.
And its so serene.

Feels like understanding, and compassion. Taste like mango,guava, and papaya.
You are tropical.
Dangling from tree tops,
You are there, omniscient,
Yet not seen.
You have me willing.

Melting inside at the tap of your fingertips.
Melodies of how black (ink) hits white so eloquently.
You have me gone.
To a place I never wanted to visit. Pleasure never ends feeling good as it started.

Your flexibility bends my mind,
Tying my body in knots around your ego.
I am her and she.
Waiting for your words to make love to my ears.
Your letters caress my pages.
And your paragraphs hold me at night.
You have me, right where you want me.
I promise I won't ever leave.

You could spend time with another,
Leave your emotions with others,
Drop your desires at their footsteps.
But you know where home is.
You know where your heart lies.

Where your pen strokes and movements feel best.
You know
That you have me.
Rite where you desire.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

ENERGY: words are subjective

Over the past few weeks I've had e opportunity to exchange some powerful energy. I fell in love with words as young as I could manipulate their meanings and stances. My ability to master dance on paper goes far beyond my desire to just realize stress and need to release it. . It is a burning fire within me.

I just read this piece from Jerome Dickens on his blog this morning. This is only an excerpt. Each line is heavy. Each sentences holds so much weight that is subjective. The meaning of all literary works should be subjective. I hope you can take this and brand your own depth. As I have.


Jerome Dickens
Twitter: JeromeDickens
Blog: http://jeromedickens.tumblr.com/

Excerpt from "Leaving"

So here's to turning the pages of a book because you have to and being reminded why you want to write, being reminded of the POWER of words. Here's to the pages that you read then re-read, then re-read again. Here's to still standing. Here's to having a choice and exercising the freedoms, we're afforded. Here's to a family, that actually makes me feel at home. Here's to constructing a perfect little world, then being surprised when you find yourself enjoying seeing it torn apart. Here's to building up something new and watching it sway rhythmically in the breeze and knowing that it will. Here's to new worlds and fresh fields ahead of you. Here's to the center and the edge, to stretching out your arms and grabbing both at once. Here's to old acquaintances being forgotten. Here's to a view that takes your breath away, even more so if that view isn't man made. Here's to not only having your expectations met, but having them exceeded. Here's to fighting what you know you have to and fanning the flames for everything else. Here's to telling people where to find you. Here's to being unashamed. Here's to worrying over what you want and finding it when you're not. Here's to crumbs in the carpet and stains on your shirts. Here's to the perfect time that always passes and then waits to be reclaimed. Here's to intelligence and language rejecting abbreviation. Here's to doing it all for myself. Here's to faltering, but being aware and wiser. Here's to the image being pure to the point of horror. Here's to shining the light where it hurts. Here's to good art. The kind made by other people. The kind that opens you up and helps you understand.

Here's to coming down off your cross.

Here's to the dreams.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Happy 25th Kat

Today is my running dog @kattypee 25th birthday...here's a lil somethimg to make you laugh. .

1) Hahah remember that time you left your phone on my car when we left NY heading bk to ATL. My moms tried. To mail it to us, but it was detroyed!

2) I KNOW you remember when the fight broke out between the crips/bloods, and I told you to duck! Run! And go outside!
3)And oh boy I know you remember the time you and rita fought that chick at the club! Why the hell did I not go out that nite! I had to have been in rochester.

4) And well this one is funny- chik f la parking lot- jimmy carter-the rest I will keep your secret!

5) Or how about the other week when you left all your car windows down and sunroof open! And it stormed so bad the next morning I barely made it to work ! Thank god the maintainence man loves you and woke you up! Your car was soaked!

6) Thanksgiving 2008, rode out with me to Savannah. Hung with all my crazy family. And boy did we eat! The first time you have sum deer meat! And good ole uncle bill's mac n cheese! Heart attack! But I'd die for that! ( Bringing you some sunday!)

7) Here's a good one. That Easter we made a basket for Soni. Went over the house, and rita ran outside. And soni flipped! Crying! Lol. You never were good with crying babies,but boy does she love you ( cuz u spoil her rotten)

8) nina- ur ace. That puppy used to go everywhere with us in your purse. I remember you broug her to the museum when I work at emory, and let her n around! With no leash! Lmao.

9) This past winter- when you tried your first weave! Man o man! That sew in had you bitching and moaning for 4 long days! Thank god it was semi/free. Lmao.

10) Took you 4 ( I mite be wrong! ) Years to finally get your tat finished! Ofcourse you chose miya! But your wimpy butt whining didn't get any color! No more back tats for u! Lol.

11) Don't let me scream "roach" you will go running ! Hahah I like to trick you sometimes.

12) My 21st bday, u and rita got my that hotel room! And we -the goofy chicks we are- went and jumped on the beds and had a pillow fight! Til we all fell outta breath. That's was when things were carefree.

13) Or when you and rita went to the braves game! Had so much fun yall didn't take marta home. So I came to get yall! And we took a whole photoshoot of pics while driving!

14). Or that one time we went to meet Ali at atlantic station when Heed played at Tin Pin. And instead we went behind parked the car, and danced to Selena all night! Talking to all the strangers, having a party at the car!

15) Your last birthday party, the pool party got live. So live you prolly don't remember. Lmao.

16) Aunty kat to all my brother's kids! Oh gee the horror and excitement! So good. They seem to love you! And u onlly visit once a year. Haha - let alone our God Mommy Days with Sonali! She come back with icecream , candy and a new toy messing with you!

17) I wonder what your going to be for Halloween this year. Considering last year you were a playboy bunny, and the year before that a bumbble bee. No one still beats my hamburgular outfit! So on point!

18) And how you call my momma on mothers day before I get a chance! She cursed me out and say- kat beat u to the punch! Lol

19) when you did your harriet tubman thing, and escaped from canada.that was funny. We partied hard fr my bday! Popped that Ace of Spades and made that long drive back to Atl from NY!

20) Or when you left your chloe shades at the pool! Gone within 20 mins! I bet you won't wear another pair of expensive shades to the pool ever again! So absent minded. Lol.

21) Thanks for showing up to my third graduation! Oxford,Emory, and AmeriCorps. Haha. You were feeling yourself a lil bit yall made it and met everyone!

22) Don't let anyone take you out to eat! And you choose ribs! You could be eating with obama! And your would have bbq sauce all over ur fingers! Gotta love it tho! We never too bougie! Lmao.

23) Road DOG! Text from our rooms.lmao. Ahaha and have a conversation across the hallway. Even this morning 630am. Wall to wall on facebook! We used to go ham on fbook in college. On your "old" page. Lmao.

24) NO SCARY MOVIES FOR YOU- YOU HAVE THE WORST DREAMS AFTER THAT BUG ME OUT!

25) ALL OUR HOME REMEDIES! WE NEEDA HAVE A FREE CLINIC!


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Student and Teacher

I am a student at every moment. Its a beautiful relationship that I have with knowledge one that I am grateful for. I have the wonderful opportunity of showcasing my talents this year in a classroom of my own! Exploring Social Studies. More than anything I have been blessed with the freedom of designing my own curriculum for the year... And not adhering to any standardized tests. I love it.

Among my first steps.. I polled my friends on some countries that fascinate them. Countries they would love to learn more about and explore...

Here is the lists... (Please ADD)

Rome
Italy
Brazil
Spain
Egypt
Afghanistan
Ethiopia
Ghana
Nigeria
Senegal
Madagascar
Thailand
Japan
China
India
Haiti
Amersterdam
Turkey
Costa Rica
Ireland
Sidney,Australia
Morocco
Tanzania
Congo
Cambodia

I am looking forward to an awesome culturally enriched year!!! :-)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Monday, June 7, 2010

MY " I am " Poem

I am a poet
I wonder about the cause for freedom.
I hear my ancestors crying for hope.
I see chaos everywhere and hope fading.
I want knowledge to spread like AIDS.
I am a fighter.
I pretend its 1960"s, and I am at the front of a freedom rally.
I touch minds with my visions and passions.
I cry for purpose in life.
I am mentally free.
I understand the power of words and faith.
I say that hope lives where faith slept last nite.
I dream of being loved, known, and remembered.
I try to find purpose in all things.
I hope my presence proves worthy to my people.
I am alive, through words.
I am a poet.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Client no.9

influential culturalist
vibrations screaming hot pink
and green walls
making heads spin
investing in the devils pockets
to advocate sin
capitalist prophet profit
fetish obsession
dollar vendiction childhood symbolization
molding hopes with past frustrations
leaving all in admiration
- the essence of a sneaker freaker.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Anniversary

I remember some of my first dedications to you. The way I would tell you all my convictions. Lay down all my fantasies, dreams, and desires. You were my little secret. it was some years ago we crossed paths. And now I can never imagine my life without you. I crumble at the slightest blackout, I fall to my knees when my mind goes blank. Incapable of putting inspiration into reality, and possibility into steps of obtaining. I questioned your absence far more than I have ever questioned your existence. Until now. These days and months where I formulate my next steps. Congratulating myself and friends on creating works of art. Impressive works that touch souls, tap hearts, and tug on emotions. Where does that leave me. Smiling. By this time, next anniversary I would have you sitting permanent next to me. In a formulated style, with a nice jacket to cover my unpolished diamond. More like the clam to my pearl. You will be handcrafted. A prize possession. My book.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Friday, June 4, 2010

Death

Silenced beyond words
Speechless to the concept of forever
Its never touched me close
Hands extended attempting to understand
Yet I can never grasp it

Within every experience
I can imagine
In Preparation for everlasting beginnings
its a cycle of nows
Chasing between and because
Only to find answers withing my questions
why,When, And how?

I have no words for you. death.
Living at the end of every thought.
Existing before possibility
The definition of certainty.
I have no emotions for you.
Completing the rebirth of existence.

Your Self less
Yet cognitive
A Harsh fate of my imagination but Real
Truth hidden within a mirage of lies
Eternal vacation
Your misunderstood
With every attempt
You aim to conquer those around me.
Tredding waters
I walk away
Speechless.
Removed from emotion
With nothing but answers within my questions
Silenced
By the only thing constant.
Death.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I

I once saw love between your eyes.
Stuck between your ego and pride
I once saw humility between your arms.
Miles and miles of hello's and goodbyes
I once saw consistency within your heart.
A place to wallow and roam
A haven to lay and grow
Comfort from fear
Balance all things
Tranquility when everything is swirled with chaos
When life seems to pull at every piece of strength you poses
I thought your love would keep me
I once was wrong.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry