As you left,
so did the existence of eternal peace
resting inside of me.
Slowly unrest crept up
and attacked my nervous system.
I became agitated with the idea of not seeing you until...
I became frustrated with the concept of not kissing you until...
I became nervous from having to fall back in love with you
every time you touch your feet on this soil.
Over and over again,
It feels like every trip is starting over.
But it is also proof that every trip my love is running over.
What strange creation is this love thing.
Especially when it is molded from the physical being gold,
traded over miles and emotions,
a test when throwing in distance...
I always have to wait until.
Until when?
Until what?
A true testament of tomorrow is the existence of today.
The purest form of what endless should be starts with something.
There most be a tiny piece of hope involved for us to last.
I have too much certainty in my grasp.
I don’t doubt destiny.
Nothing is the same without you,
because everything is changing with you.
Meals are just empty feedings,
no longer nourishment to my soul,
but just food my belly.
Showers have become quick and emotionless.
I no longer feel your warmth cleansing me
but envision repeats of something I once denied.
My apartment is empty with out you.
Filled with furniture branded by our love.
Gifts, scents, candles, tiny left overs
scattered among my belongings
all remind me of moments with you.
And what of this until concept???
I guess I will be waiting and loving you until we figure it out.
Wishing I could bottle your touch,
you be my Jeannie,
and appear when the bottle is rubbed....
Until then...
I am here.
Loving you
from the inner most
precious part of my being.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sun and Moon
My solar energy.
I Slept to thoughts of you
Only to Wake with you on my mind
Finding you shining
Way Before we found the sun.
Slowly we count down the minutes until I rise
And our present becomes past tense
Balancing the sun within the moon's existence
In a the world where I have found waldo in you.
My mystery.
They still investigate why people worship sun gods.
I just accept the fact that god shines within you.
Your rays are destined to burn those not able to withstand greatness.
When you need a rest,
I will grace the skies for you.
And we shall balance the universe.
Together.
Here I am
Ready.
I Slept to thoughts of you
Only to Wake with you on my mind
Finding you shining
Way Before we found the sun.
Slowly we count down the minutes until I rise
And our present becomes past tense
Balancing the sun within the moon's existence
In a the world where I have found waldo in you.
My mystery.
They still investigate why people worship sun gods.
I just accept the fact that god shines within you.
Your rays are destined to burn those not able to withstand greatness.
When you need a rest,
I will grace the skies for you.
And we shall balance the universe.
Together.
Here I am
Ready.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
4days3nights
i lived like i never lived before, i loved like i never loved before, i consumed every breathe as if it were my last eternally. I connected with the most night on a level I cant even begin to explain. My appreciation for human existence now surpasses my ability to understand. And with that I am caught, held hostage by the purity of greatness. Silent without question of why, when or how, but simply uttering thank you.
Each second spent felt like priceless hours. Confirming that words should not mean, but should be, the existence of such energy put life to each letter I managed to stutter. The stars were aligned, forming the smiles I sometimes fail to show. Not once did I frown in your presence. Not once was my soul not gleaming from the inside out -in your presence. Not once did I stop rejoicing- in your presence, even silently. Not one second did I want to leave your presence. The world could have offered me surrealism, and that wouldn't have been enough to glamorize the reality of our connection.
The future flashed before my eyes. I was silently daydreaming of being held within tomorrows embrace as if it were built on today. It all seems so foreign yet feels so familiar. Tickling my heart with emotion, I sort of like it, yet it feels so weird and different. My body is trembling from the idea of this lasting forever. Orgasmic pleasure meeting compassion and truth. And yet its only been a day of reflection. Imagine a lifetime of soaking in heaven. I wonder how my skin will glisten. Until then … I manage to stutter..thank you
Each second spent felt like priceless hours. Confirming that words should not mean, but should be, the existence of such energy put life to each letter I managed to stutter. The stars were aligned, forming the smiles I sometimes fail to show. Not once did I frown in your presence. Not once was my soul not gleaming from the inside out -in your presence. Not once did I stop rejoicing- in your presence, even silently. Not one second did I want to leave your presence. The world could have offered me surrealism, and that wouldn't have been enough to glamorize the reality of our connection.
The future flashed before my eyes. I was silently daydreaming of being held within tomorrows embrace as if it were built on today. It all seems so foreign yet feels so familiar. Tickling my heart with emotion, I sort of like it, yet it feels so weird and different. My body is trembling from the idea of this lasting forever. Orgasmic pleasure meeting compassion and truth. And yet its only been a day of reflection. Imagine a lifetime of soaking in heaven. I wonder how my skin will glisten. Until then … I manage to stutter..thank you
Friday, October 15, 2010
Touched...
She knows me so well.. Thankful for her presence in my life! Thanks sis:
@brittneygreene aka @blackposimage to me aka @joskidiesel:
Tonight, be true to yourself, give into your desires, but go deeper than the surface level. Explore the possibilities without exhausting all the options, enjoy being free. Relinquish your guard and JUST BE!!! I love you!!!
Joski Diesel
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Unapproachable Series: #5- Loyalty to the Truth
#5: Loyalty To The Truth:
I was having a conversation with a man the other week and I told him about this series ( same man mentioned in #4). Of course, he insisted I blog about our meeting, as if to imply that he is something spectacular (Kanye Shrug). Anyways, the main thing that stuck out in the conversation was when he asked me:
"What is the ultimate question to ask someone the first time you meet them?"
And I replied,
“What are your truths?"
As he hesitated, with a surprised look on his face . . .
It seemed like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, instead of what actually are his truths.
Then he asked why not ask someone
"What are your falsehoods?"
Wrong move.
The worst move!
Essentially, the word "False" implies negative things. When you're meeting someone for the first time, you shouldn't start a conversation off with a laundry list of negative things about yourself. How many people are actually willing to divulge this information? And what judgments or assumptions would you make about them after they're done?
The question, "What are your truths" is simply wondering what do "YOU" hold true to yourself. This can be a confirmation of your positive or negative acts, emotions, ideals, theories, etc. The fact that one is willing and able to admit their "Negative" truths, shows that they're in tune with themselves, comfortable enough to admit them, and they understand the value of truth, honesty, and disclosure.
This question is no different from asking,
"Who are you?"
But it is rested on the basis of honesty, which isn't/should everything?
My Truths:
Opinionated
Conversationalist
Controlling sometimes ( I like order and organization so this can be tuned into taking control.)
I like order and precision
Aquarius, in every sense
Learning how to say NO
Educated
Humble
Impatient
Horrible with grammar (Thankful for my Editor!)
Believe I can save one and many
Road rage
Textaholic (I need help!)
Workaholic
Planner
Teacher
Cut people off mid sentence without realizing it at times (sorry!)
Experimental
Blunt
Great cook
Learning: What's best for me is not best for you
People are for a purpose
Everything is disposable.
Now . . . was that difficult.
It seems like we hide ourselves behind the concept of truth so much that we lose site of its worth. Why run from what you already are? Are you not human enough to look into the mirror, face what you see, and accept what you can change?
There is nothing wrong with being you, even if that “You” is not who you desire to be. Its much easier to allow nature to take course first, then to make any changes you may want to improve, alter, or change the person you “Are”.
The concept of getting to know someone is unconsciously rested on the idea that both parties are speaking about their experiences, lifestyle, goals, and wants from a place of honesty. But this is not a realistic statement these days, and it seems more like a idealistic connection. It's sad that individuals are not accepting of themselves and they fear that others will not be as well. This is what lying to yourself implies in these instances. We are all works in progress, essentially only if we are working on ourselves, otherwise we have become content with our position which should render no problem in being upfront with others you may meet.
Now of course not all information about yourself should be disclosed immediately, depending on the person and the connection you want to establish. But those truths do not take away from you. And are still these truths.
An example of this:
You meet a nice gentleman. You exchange information with him, hang out a few times, enjoy each other's company. You have friendly conversations about work, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. But when do you find out their living situation, their REAL work situation, their transportation situation, you idea of the truth is transformed. Since everything that appeared during those interactions seemed “Truthful” but you didn’t have all the facts. And so now those truths become lies.
I try my best not to expect much out of others simply because it causes room for being let down, but also it decreases space for assumptions and error. While other people may believe if you do not expect things to get done, then they wont, I would rather do it myself. Just in the same sense, I don’t like to leave room for a guessing game, assumptions, or a wandering mind. I have no problem answering questions upfront and honestly, a person just needs to take the time to ask them.
I am an open book that is closed.
First I must be spotted on the book shelf.
Admired from a far either from my title, description, or context.
Then I need to be opened, my pages need to be flipped, skimmed, read, and explored.
My chapters will soon come alive, and the sequel will slowly begin to write itself in your existence.
This is my metaphor for disclosure.
We are all books.
Not all of us are open for sharing simply because we fail to see the power in truth and how valuable it is to begin everything and end everything within its realms.
Embrace the truth, your truths, and reality for what it is.
* Thanks for reading this series. *
I was having a conversation with a man the other week and I told him about this series ( same man mentioned in #4). Of course, he insisted I blog about our meeting, as if to imply that he is something spectacular (Kanye Shrug). Anyways, the main thing that stuck out in the conversation was when he asked me:
"What is the ultimate question to ask someone the first time you meet them?"
And I replied,
“What are your truths?"
As he hesitated, with a surprised look on his face . . .
It seemed like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, instead of what actually are his truths.
Then he asked why not ask someone
"What are your falsehoods?"
Wrong move.
The worst move!
Essentially, the word "False" implies negative things. When you're meeting someone for the first time, you shouldn't start a conversation off with a laundry list of negative things about yourself. How many people are actually willing to divulge this information? And what judgments or assumptions would you make about them after they're done?
The question, "What are your truths" is simply wondering what do "YOU" hold true to yourself. This can be a confirmation of your positive or negative acts, emotions, ideals, theories, etc. The fact that one is willing and able to admit their "Negative" truths, shows that they're in tune with themselves, comfortable enough to admit them, and they understand the value of truth, honesty, and disclosure.
This question is no different from asking,
"Who are you?"
But it is rested on the basis of honesty, which isn't/should everything?
My Truths:
Opinionated
Conversationalist
Controlling sometimes ( I like order and organization so this can be tuned into taking control.)
I like order and precision
Aquarius, in every sense
Learning how to say NO
Educated
Humble
Impatient
Horrible with grammar (Thankful for my Editor!)
Believe I can save one and many
Road rage
Textaholic (I need help!)
Workaholic
Planner
Teacher
Cut people off mid sentence without realizing it at times (sorry!)
Experimental
Blunt
Great cook
Learning: What's best for me is not best for you
People are for a purpose
Everything is disposable.
Now . . . was that difficult.
It seems like we hide ourselves behind the concept of truth so much that we lose site of its worth. Why run from what you already are? Are you not human enough to look into the mirror, face what you see, and accept what you can change?
There is nothing wrong with being you, even if that “You” is not who you desire to be. Its much easier to allow nature to take course first, then to make any changes you may want to improve, alter, or change the person you “Are”.
The concept of getting to know someone is unconsciously rested on the idea that both parties are speaking about their experiences, lifestyle, goals, and wants from a place of honesty. But this is not a realistic statement these days, and it seems more like a idealistic connection. It's sad that individuals are not accepting of themselves and they fear that others will not be as well. This is what lying to yourself implies in these instances. We are all works in progress, essentially only if we are working on ourselves, otherwise we have become content with our position which should render no problem in being upfront with others you may meet.
Now of course not all information about yourself should be disclosed immediately, depending on the person and the connection you want to establish. But those truths do not take away from you. And are still these truths.
An example of this:
You meet a nice gentleman. You exchange information with him, hang out a few times, enjoy each other's company. You have friendly conversations about work, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. But when do you find out their living situation, their REAL work situation, their transportation situation, you idea of the truth is transformed. Since everything that appeared during those interactions seemed “Truthful” but you didn’t have all the facts. And so now those truths become lies.
I try my best not to expect much out of others simply because it causes room for being let down, but also it decreases space for assumptions and error. While other people may believe if you do not expect things to get done, then they wont, I would rather do it myself. Just in the same sense, I don’t like to leave room for a guessing game, assumptions, or a wandering mind. I have no problem answering questions upfront and honestly, a person just needs to take the time to ask them.
I am an open book that is closed.
First I must be spotted on the book shelf.
Admired from a far either from my title, description, or context.
Then I need to be opened, my pages need to be flipped, skimmed, read, and explored.
My chapters will soon come alive, and the sequel will slowly begin to write itself in your existence.
This is my metaphor for disclosure.
We are all books.
Not all of us are open for sharing simply because we fail to see the power in truth and how valuable it is to begin everything and end everything within its realms.
Embrace the truth, your truths, and reality for what it is.
* Thanks for reading this series. *
Friday, October 8, 2010
missing it
Missing it: the point where infinity meets and overlaps. When understanding is an understatement. Finishing sentences becomes natural. And mind reading is not foreign. Emotions lived from a distance but at them same time. Words spoken within each breathe. A connection unsung.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Hands on Atlanta Day 2010
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
This past May I completed my second year of service with Hands on Atlanta AmeriCorps program.
I started out in 2008, looking for a job, a way into the school system, a program to help me learn more about giving back, helping students, and learning new ways to advertise myself. It was all of that and more. While struggling to maintain a personal life through a car accident and numerous doctor visits... I found comfort in my job of serving.
I decided to continue my service over the summer as a summer VISTA worker with Fugees Family. We held an academic camp at Agnes Scott where the boys biked from Clarkston, attended classes, worked on group projects and were rewarded with adventurous trips to places around the city. This experience opened not just my mind to learning about different cultures, but my heart to appreciating a diversity of experiences.
And so I was back with Hands on Atlanta for the 2009 starting year. Now in a place of leadership with my own team of tutors, I was able to utilize the skills I learned in the prior terms of service. To sum it all up : I am a DOER! Things got done! There was never a dull moment while serving!
Now I am at a different place in my life. A new job. A different type of student. A different type of schooling. And yet I am still serving. Most importantly...the irony is Hands on Atlanta will be helping to beautify my school this coming Saturday on Hands on Atlanta Day.
Everything has come full circle.
##### Hands on Atlanta Day is a day of service. Throughout the city of Atlanta projects will take place at various sites, which include an array of things from cleaning to painting. Typically known for planting trees, beautifying neighborhoods, or adding murals to schools and communities, Hands on Atlanta day for me has always been a day to enjoy. #####
www.handsonatlanta.org
So please sign up for a project!
Show up at a project!
Give back your time and energy to YOUR community!
It will come full circle but only with YOUR help!
If you would like to come help at my school we are located in the East Atlanta Village area... and just shoot me an email!
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
THANK YOU
October 2nd
9am-1pm
This past May I completed my second year of service with Hands on Atlanta AmeriCorps program.
I started out in 2008, looking for a job, a way into the school system, a program to help me learn more about giving back, helping students, and learning new ways to advertise myself. It was all of that and more. While struggling to maintain a personal life through a car accident and numerous doctor visits... I found comfort in my job of serving.
I decided to continue my service over the summer as a summer VISTA worker with Fugees Family. We held an academic camp at Agnes Scott where the boys biked from Clarkston, attended classes, worked on group projects and were rewarded with adventurous trips to places around the city. This experience opened not just my mind to learning about different cultures, but my heart to appreciating a diversity of experiences.
And so I was back with Hands on Atlanta for the 2009 starting year. Now in a place of leadership with my own team of tutors, I was able to utilize the skills I learned in the prior terms of service. To sum it all up : I am a DOER! Things got done! There was never a dull moment while serving!
Now I am at a different place in my life. A new job. A different type of student. A different type of schooling. And yet I am still serving. Most importantly...the irony is Hands on Atlanta will be helping to beautify my school this coming Saturday on Hands on Atlanta Day.
Everything has come full circle.
##### Hands on Atlanta Day is a day of service. Throughout the city of Atlanta projects will take place at various sites, which include an array of things from cleaning to painting. Typically known for planting trees, beautifying neighborhoods, or adding murals to schools and communities, Hands on Atlanta day for me has always been a day to enjoy. #####
www.handsonatlanta.org
So please sign up for a project!
Show up at a project!
Give back your time and energy to YOUR community!
It will come full circle but only with YOUR help!
If you would like to come help at my school we are located in the East Atlanta Village area... and just shoot me an email!
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
THANK YOU
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
For my brothers "Imagine"
Imagine getting the phone call that everything has changed
Imagine feeling you are reliving whips and chains
Imagine thinking everything in life pays
Imagine miSsing birthdays and your own parties for arraignment
Imagine never touching your newborn twins hands
Imagine loving three sons you never planned
Imagine not knowing when you will see a real bed again
Worrying about sentencing,reality,business, and family
Imagine traveling the states in a way you never envisioned
Transferring from facility to facility
Networking from the inside like your making moves out
Imagine still being on top even when everyone says otherwise
People wearing shirts saying free you
Missing you, like they mourning you
Imagine being smarter than your wise mentors
Knowledge prior to trial and tribulations
Read all those books before you made this bed you're laying in
48 laws of powerful reminders
Imagine still being a parent
Checking in on meals, activities and engagements
First days of school
Hearing "I wuv you" for the first time
Silly laughs, giggles and miss you's from children you never seen
Imagine adapting to everything foreign yet familiar
Since this isn't your first time
Imagine reliving your denials, replaying your moves
consciously playing chess
Risking pawns for the king
Everyday is a game of strategy
Imagine sleeping on the top bunk for years
Straight climbing over dudes
Physically and metaphorically
Grinding in baby steps, learning to walk through
Imagine living among strangers
Who now become your family of goons
At any moment it could all be over for someone
Humanity is temporary
The end always comes soon.
Imagine your only way of communicating is with words
Spoken truths of your reality that soon should have been over a while ago
What happens when you don't feel like writing?
Who will know your joys and pains?
Imagine you've lived off quality cuisine for years
Now you're shifted like cattle
Meals are never cooked fully
Barely seasoned
And your body rejects everything.
How would you survive?
Imagine bathing in a common area
All eyes on you pretty boy
Who is tough now?
But what happens when you are homesick?
Imagine you haven't seen a familiar face in months
Or what it feels like to hug a loved one
What is familiarity when everything is temporary?
Imagine your freedom is all just a state of being
Powered by your mind
The art of war then becomes internal
Balancing yourself within yourself
Are you ready to face the mirror?
Imagine existing,
Adapting
Making it.
Imagine this is you.
Your loved one.
Your kin.
Imagine this is the story of one.
But the life of many.
Reality is real.
Don't imagine.
Imagine feeling you are reliving whips and chains
Imagine thinking everything in life pays
Imagine miSsing birthdays and your own parties for arraignment
Imagine never touching your newborn twins hands
Imagine loving three sons you never planned
Imagine not knowing when you will see a real bed again
Worrying about sentencing,reality,business, and family
Imagine traveling the states in a way you never envisioned
Transferring from facility to facility
Networking from the inside like your making moves out
Imagine still being on top even when everyone says otherwise
People wearing shirts saying free you
Missing you, like they mourning you
Imagine being smarter than your wise mentors
Knowledge prior to trial and tribulations
Read all those books before you made this bed you're laying in
48 laws of powerful reminders
Imagine still being a parent
Checking in on meals, activities and engagements
First days of school
Hearing "I wuv you" for the first time
Silly laughs, giggles and miss you's from children you never seen
Imagine adapting to everything foreign yet familiar
Since this isn't your first time
Imagine reliving your denials, replaying your moves
consciously playing chess
Risking pawns for the king
Everyday is a game of strategy
Imagine sleeping on the top bunk for years
Straight climbing over dudes
Physically and metaphorically
Grinding in baby steps, learning to walk through
Imagine living among strangers
Who now become your family of goons
At any moment it could all be over for someone
Humanity is temporary
The end always comes soon.
Imagine your only way of communicating is with words
Spoken truths of your reality that soon should have been over a while ago
What happens when you don't feel like writing?
Who will know your joys and pains?
Imagine you've lived off quality cuisine for years
Now you're shifted like cattle
Meals are never cooked fully
Barely seasoned
And your body rejects everything.
How would you survive?
Imagine bathing in a common area
All eyes on you pretty boy
Who is tough now?
But what happens when you are homesick?
Imagine you haven't seen a familiar face in months
Or what it feels like to hug a loved one
What is familiarity when everything is temporary?
Imagine your freedom is all just a state of being
Powered by your mind
The art of war then becomes internal
Balancing yourself within yourself
Are you ready to face the mirror?
Imagine existing,
Adapting
Making it.
Imagine this is you.
Your loved one.
Your kin.
Imagine this is the story of one.
But the life of many.
Reality is real.
Don't imagine.
Joski Diesel
Blog Feature: AinHD-----Post: "Feed the People"
AinHD is a beautiful sistah queen!
Please check out her blog : http://ainhd.blogspot.com/
I'm blessed. In spite of the stress from family, school and scrounging up moments for my creative process - I eat. I know that I'll never go hungry. I know that I'll always have a place to lay my head. Sometimes, I sleep well having these comforts, but I'm also tormented by that fact that so many people lack what many of us consider 'simple pleasures'. Food, clothing and shelter is not a given - it should be. Unfortunately, in our hypocritical, dream-selling, capitalistic 'democracy', we have an alarming number of disenfranchised people who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. This is where FTP comes in.
While many large nonprofit businesses hoard money and boast colorless directors, FTP is of and for the people. I've enjoyed being around the positive energy of these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, artists, revolutionaries and agents of change. It's such a incredible feeling to hit the streets with a grassroots organization that truly turns thought into action.
With that, I challenge Metro Atlanta - and I leave you with a piece from my collection [If] Life's Rotten, Write to the Core.
To My Skin Deep Revolutionaries
My lyrics send intangible postcards
To pseudo intellects and skin-deep revolutionaries
“I wish you were here”
Because I refuse to spit sacrificial rhymes in ya ear
Which I release into space in the form of art
And abandon when I get them off my heart
I’m trying to reach beyond being a well-versed revolutionary
And transform into a rehearsed revolutionary
I’d rather turn my black back against the system
Than floss a koufe yellin’ “Black is back son!”
In the form of a souped-up poem
Having rhyme but no reason
Other than the fact that the notion of bucking the system is in season
Like cats who like to wear their poems
You know the type who find a cause and try it on
Like those really earthy kids who think being socially conscious
Is synonymous with wearing a multitude of buttons
Transforming themselves into walking slogans
So at best I can slap a skin-deep revolutionary on my bumper
One who, like me, knows the system is still a virgin
But don’t realize to get by we’ve got to do more than hump her with words
We’ve gotta love her with verbs
Love her until she bleeds justice and breeds equality
And accepts the responsibility of taking care of our black babies
I’ve gotta be more than a skin-deep revolutionary
A pseudo intellect or a watered-down activist
Taking advantage of words and neglecting action
Like those who sub their bling with beads to prepare
For their poems on Sierra Leone
Because their revolution is only skin deep
But I want my revolution to scream like me
So this is my lyrical postcard, and “I wish you were here”
Please check out her blog : http://ainhd.blogspot.com/
I'm blessed. In spite of the stress from family, school and scrounging up moments for my creative process - I eat. I know that I'll never go hungry. I know that I'll always have a place to lay my head. Sometimes, I sleep well having these comforts, but I'm also tormented by that fact that so many people lack what many of us consider 'simple pleasures'. Food, clothing and shelter is not a given - it should be. Unfortunately, in our hypocritical, dream-selling, capitalistic 'democracy', we have an alarming number of disenfranchised people who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. This is where FTP comes in.
While many large nonprofit businesses hoard money and boast colorless directors, FTP is of and for the people. I've enjoyed being around the positive energy of these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, artists, revolutionaries and agents of change. It's such a incredible feeling to hit the streets with a grassroots organization that truly turns thought into action.
With that, I challenge Metro Atlanta - and I leave you with a piece from my collection [If] Life's Rotten, Write to the Core.
To My Skin Deep Revolutionaries
My lyrics send intangible postcards
To pseudo intellects and skin-deep revolutionaries
“I wish you were here”
Because I refuse to spit sacrificial rhymes in ya ear
Which I release into space in the form of art
And abandon when I get them off my heart
I’m trying to reach beyond being a well-versed revolutionary
And transform into a rehearsed revolutionary
I’d rather turn my black back against the system
Than floss a koufe yellin’ “Black is back son!”
In the form of a souped-up poem
Having rhyme but no reason
Other than the fact that the notion of bucking the system is in season
Like cats who like to wear their poems
You know the type who find a cause and try it on
Like those really earthy kids who think being socially conscious
Is synonymous with wearing a multitude of buttons
Transforming themselves into walking slogans
So at best I can slap a skin-deep revolutionary on my bumper
One who, like me, knows the system is still a virgin
But don’t realize to get by we’ve got to do more than hump her with words
We’ve gotta love her with verbs
Love her until she bleeds justice and breeds equality
And accepts the responsibility of taking care of our black babies
I’ve gotta be more than a skin-deep revolutionary
A pseudo intellect or a watered-down activist
Taking advantage of words and neglecting action
Like those who sub their bling with beads to prepare
For their poems on Sierra Leone
Because their revolution is only skin deep
But I want my revolution to scream like me
So this is my lyrical postcard, and “I wish you were here”
i am my brothers' sister
my little brother is home.
anticipation has been killing me all year.
next : 11.11.11
anticipation has been killing me all year.
next : 11.11.11
Monday, September 27, 2010
Overstand
I
Overstand
You.
Overstand
You.
The feeling...
Connected.
The knowing...
The impurity of it all.
The innocence.
The mixture of everything
Unknown yet familiar.
The " this aint right" feeling.
"Wish it was" feeling.
This feels nice.
BUT..
Making you think twice feeling.
Second guessing yourself repeatedly.
The feeling, the knowing.
Questioning internal motives.
Attempting to balance external realities.
How does my mind process all of this?
I am.
Present.
Searching for loopholes.
Trying not to like this feeling.
Trying to find a reason to enjoy this feeling.
Trying.
Wondering "why is this happening to me" That feeling...
Nervous yet calm
Relaxed but uptight
In denial!
Even though I can feel confirmation.
A reflection of the other side.
A desire of the other side.
A trip to the other side.
You are the other side.
Something to add to my list.
Out of reach
But so close.
Present.
In every sense of Now.
I overstand you.
I overstand.
The feeling.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
"Unapproachable" Series #4 : Too Analytical
They tell me I am too analytical.
They tell me I think too much, over-analyze, and that I am too complicated.
Their simplicity compliments me.
But they don't see this.
I am a natural learner. I love to read about new things, digest material, store it for later, and regurgitated it for others. I was never been good at spitting out random dates or the chronological order of events, but if you need concepts, theories, and how to's, then I have plenty.
I have always had a fascination with words. From the simplicity of creating metaphors for emotions, memories and explanations, to the complex thought that every letter is predestined to be placed next to another letter, in order to create what I wish/need. If everything happens for a reason, then everything that is said, written, and visualized is for a reason as well. The birth of my creations are valuable moments alone. And should be celebrated as such.
I have always been opinionated. And yes, some things should be left unsaid, but sometimes you feel better remaining true to your language, which happens to be the only way you express yourself.
I don't consider myself smart or even educated because of my degrees; but from my outside readings, understandings, and overall thought process that allows me to question everything. This has caused others to label me as being,
"Too Analytical."
I believe . . .
Everything has a reason, despite the simple things in life. I would rather know the context, reason, justification, or supportive thoughts/concepts on something.
Why not dig deeper than the surface?
A question is just a question when asked without context. When context and reason is added, the question now becomes a supported statement of thought. This thought can either lead to conversation, investigation, or simply an informative finding.
If you are asking me my views on something, I would like to know your intent. I don't believe that we just ask questions for the sake of asking. Everything is relative, but not everyone wants to disclose their relativity. It would be, "Too Open." And of course there are situations where relativity should not be known, because the answer to a question will alter/change your response, placement, focus, and objective. But with some instances, relativity is equally as important in forming the question as it is in answering it.
We generally seek out answers in hopes of direction, confirmation, counsel, or context.
Situation:
I was talking to someone, and he tried to guess my age. I asked him why is that relevant to the first thing you say to someone, as if to place me in a box based on your assumptions from knowing my age. So he then made a smart comment,
"Oh, you're a THINKER! I never would have thought from looking at you. Let me leave and come back with my "Thinking" cap on! "
Now as he attempted to put on an imaginary "Thinking Cap" this confirmed my thoughts on men being intimidated by my "Thoughtfulness" because its an extra task for them. Most males do not INTEND to do work when it comes to a lady, but yet they speak about how something that is easy is not wanted.
Overall:
Sarcastically...
A women who thinks is a threat!
A women who asks questions is considered nosey, snooping, or overly curious.
A woman who is always inquisitive is looking for something.
A woman asking questions shouldn't be trusted, and most likely doesn't trust the man.
A woman who would rather know than not has a trick up her sleeve.
A woman who poses her responses in complex phrases, is not easy to read.
A woman who thinks is not to be trusted, because she can use her mind to get in and out of everything.
A mind is more powerful than an elite system, any monetary amount, any blackmail rumor, any level of trust, because neither would exist without creation from thought.
We forget out existence alone is a beautiful, but our ability to think, act, speak, and do for ourselves pays worship to that beauty.
Why not use the great thing you will ever own?
Why not read?
Why not educate yourself on all levels of truth, hypocrisy, history, philosophy, theories, and the concrete?
Why not speak in question, and look a little inside yourself for something more than the visible?
Why not?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Unapproachable Series: #3 : Lets Play House
#3: Let's Play House:
They tell me I need to be submissive.
They tell me I'm too dominant, too strong, too forward.
Their actions show me they assumed that I'm something I'm not.
The idea of gender roles is not just held by sex, but the social and behavioral norms that are influenced or composed through attire, gender, profession, culture, and style linked to that specific gender. We have used gender roles to create an image of idealistic, socially created traits making our expectations/judgments of individuals and relationships change.
It's proven, that many of the traditional, feminine gender roles have become less relevant especially in terms of woman in politics, professional environments, business, medicine, and other areas that would normally seem unorthodox. Most people assume that gender roles have become irrelevant when it comes to interactions, friendships, and especially relationships. I think otherwise. Or simply, gender roles have fluctuated but society fails to publicly acknowledge it. Individualism has become more and more apparent at all levels of society. However, even with this, we subconsciously continue to entertain stereotypical gender roles.
The typical gender role for a male highlights their masculinity, dominance, and simplicity. These three areas describe every aspect of an individual. In society, we think men should be strong, handy, able, willing to fix things, and simply come to a woman's rescue. We expect a man to be stable, mentally, financially and physically, taking control and establishing some type of order over things. We desire strength in silence, compassion through presence, and joy in their existence. Yet all that we expect, desire, and want sometimes becomes dreams, when we fail to accept reality.
The Magic Wish List:
A gentleman,
A rough around the edges kind of man,
A street smart, but not in the street kind of man,
A been there and done that kind of man,
The intellectually stimulating man,
The I'm not afraid to protect you kind of man,
By any means necessary man,
Quiet, shy, low key eyes on the prize kind of man,
Keep a job no matter what man,
Just wants a hot meal kind of man,
Always meeting me half way man,
Keeps me smiling at the oddest times kind of man,
Young yet wise,
Mature yet playful,
A easy mystery,
A difficult to keep away kind of man,
Reminds me of my brothers man,
Honest for every reason kind of man,
In tune with himself man,
Knowing the meaning of compromise, complacent, and contentment,
More important understanding the difference man . . .
While the typical woman is expected to be a silent thunder, strong at all times but only visible when necessary. The mother, the protector, the matriarch, the glue behind the seams of everything. She is domesticated, able to whip up a full course meal from random items in the house, having super powers to heal any wound, and comfort any sad moment. She keeps daddy happy and the kids content. She knows how to take orders, and politely give them, often seen as docile, yet overly misunderstood. A bundle of emotions, bottled by curves, hips, and hugs. She is desired by many. A silent blanket of hope, passion, and determination yet molded with spunk, and modified by moods.
The Magic Wish List:
A jezebel,
She is the fantasy in your reality kind of woman,
Your little secret type woman,
Cooks like grandma and cleans like a maid
She knows she is a queen,
An empress
She's royalty
Yet, she's not conceited
Would be a great mother,
But for now she is the best lover,
Keeps you balanced kind of woman,
Knows how to curse you out with style type of woman,
A gem, diamond, pearl, and sometimes a unpolished kind of woman,
A female MacGyver,
Manipulating the impossible,
Flying fairy dust of miracles,
Her love is solid as a rock,
There's no distance in between her love,
Your image is enough.
A woman.
That has it all
When needed.
Something like this kind of woman.
And what does this have to do with playing house?
I don’t have a great memory of my childhood, but one thing I do remember is playing house in first grade with my peers. The young ladies would pretend to cook at the stove while the little boys were either hard at work or heading home. We would simulate roles of typical scenarios based off the images we saw at home, on TV, in society, or were being taught. Even before I realized it, I placed everyone in magic boxes of constraints based on society's desires and unwritten rules. These constraints were glamorized with words such as individualism, freedoms, and self identity. The concept of personality desires were molded into character needs for those around us. And the observations of others slowly turn into judgments and critical analysis. All of this is from a continued cycle of playing house, perpetuating gender roles, and allowing these concepts to control our relationship with those around us creates a path of searching for that perfect scenario.
Far too long have we allowed (whether subconsciously or purposely) gender roles to perpetuate different ideas, alter our perceptions and dictate what we expect from others. Most woman are taught at an early age to be submissive, domesticated, and supportive. Most males are taught to be strong, fearless, dominant and a provider. This is what we are bred to desire in people.
My personality traits of being independent, dominant, a “go-getter”, forward, and simply not stuck in the typically ideals of what a lady, woman, or female should do is considered unattractive by most males (whether they admit it or not). There is an innate imaginary superiority complex between male dominance and female submissiveness that I do not always adhere to. In other words, I can often hold my own when compared to a man, which is against popular expectations and desires.
Ultimately, it is okay to have a concept of qualities, characteristics, goals, and preferences you want to see in those around you. However, these ideas shouldn't be a make or break deal on whether or not you interact with an individual or be based of what is considered the “norm” within our society. We must be realistic with what people come to the table with, your expectations of them, and whether or not the two balance with your own standards and goals of yourself. Before you hold others to such a high standard and rule book, make sure you are holding yourself to that same light.
They tell me I need to be submissive.
They tell me I'm too dominant, too strong, too forward.
Their actions show me they assumed that I'm something I'm not.
The idea of gender roles is not just held by sex, but the social and behavioral norms that are influenced or composed through attire, gender, profession, culture, and style linked to that specific gender. We have used gender roles to create an image of idealistic, socially created traits making our expectations/judgments of individuals and relationships change.
It's proven, that many of the traditional, feminine gender roles have become less relevant especially in terms of woman in politics, professional environments, business, medicine, and other areas that would normally seem unorthodox. Most people assume that gender roles have become irrelevant when it comes to interactions, friendships, and especially relationships. I think otherwise. Or simply, gender roles have fluctuated but society fails to publicly acknowledge it. Individualism has become more and more apparent at all levels of society. However, even with this, we subconsciously continue to entertain stereotypical gender roles.
The typical gender role for a male highlights their masculinity, dominance, and simplicity. These three areas describe every aspect of an individual. In society, we think men should be strong, handy, able, willing to fix things, and simply come to a woman's rescue. We expect a man to be stable, mentally, financially and physically, taking control and establishing some type of order over things. We desire strength in silence, compassion through presence, and joy in their existence. Yet all that we expect, desire, and want sometimes becomes dreams, when we fail to accept reality.
The Magic Wish List:
A gentleman,
A rough around the edges kind of man,
A street smart, but not in the street kind of man,
A been there and done that kind of man,
The intellectually stimulating man,
The I'm not afraid to protect you kind of man,
By any means necessary man,
Quiet, shy, low key eyes on the prize kind of man,
Keep a job no matter what man,
Just wants a hot meal kind of man,
Always meeting me half way man,
Keeps me smiling at the oddest times kind of man,
Young yet wise,
Mature yet playful,
A easy mystery,
A difficult to keep away kind of man,
Reminds me of my brothers man,
Honest for every reason kind of man,
In tune with himself man,
Knowing the meaning of compromise, complacent, and contentment,
More important understanding the difference man . . .
While the typical woman is expected to be a silent thunder, strong at all times but only visible when necessary. The mother, the protector, the matriarch, the glue behind the seams of everything. She is domesticated, able to whip up a full course meal from random items in the house, having super powers to heal any wound, and comfort any sad moment. She keeps daddy happy and the kids content. She knows how to take orders, and politely give them, often seen as docile, yet overly misunderstood. A bundle of emotions, bottled by curves, hips, and hugs. She is desired by many. A silent blanket of hope, passion, and determination yet molded with spunk, and modified by moods.
The Magic Wish List:
A jezebel,
She is the fantasy in your reality kind of woman,
Your little secret type woman,
Cooks like grandma and cleans like a maid
She knows she is a queen,
An empress
She's royalty
Yet, she's not conceited
Would be a great mother,
But for now she is the best lover,
Keeps you balanced kind of woman,
Knows how to curse you out with style type of woman,
A gem, diamond, pearl, and sometimes a unpolished kind of woman,
A female MacGyver,
Manipulating the impossible,
Flying fairy dust of miracles,
Her love is solid as a rock,
There's no distance in between her love,
Your image is enough.
A woman.
That has it all
When needed.
Something like this kind of woman.
And what does this have to do with playing house?
I don’t have a great memory of my childhood, but one thing I do remember is playing house in first grade with my peers. The young ladies would pretend to cook at the stove while the little boys were either hard at work or heading home. We would simulate roles of typical scenarios based off the images we saw at home, on TV, in society, or were being taught. Even before I realized it, I placed everyone in magic boxes of constraints based on society's desires and unwritten rules. These constraints were glamorized with words such as individualism, freedoms, and self identity. The concept of personality desires were molded into character needs for those around us. And the observations of others slowly turn into judgments and critical analysis. All of this is from a continued cycle of playing house, perpetuating gender roles, and allowing these concepts to control our relationship with those around us creates a path of searching for that perfect scenario.
Far too long have we allowed (whether subconsciously or purposely) gender roles to perpetuate different ideas, alter our perceptions and dictate what we expect from others. Most woman are taught at an early age to be submissive, domesticated, and supportive. Most males are taught to be strong, fearless, dominant and a provider. This is what we are bred to desire in people.
My personality traits of being independent, dominant, a “go-getter”, forward, and simply not stuck in the typically ideals of what a lady, woman, or female should do is considered unattractive by most males (whether they admit it or not). There is an innate imaginary superiority complex between male dominance and female submissiveness that I do not always adhere to. In other words, I can often hold my own when compared to a man, which is against popular expectations and desires.
Ultimately, it is okay to have a concept of qualities, characteristics, goals, and preferences you want to see in those around you. However, these ideas shouldn't be a make or break deal on whether or not you interact with an individual or be based of what is considered the “norm” within our society. We must be realistic with what people come to the table with, your expectations of them, and whether or not the two balance with your own standards and goals of yourself. Before you hold others to such a high standard and rule book, make sure you are holding yourself to that same light.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
#2: What Can You Do For Me Syndrome
#2: What can you do for me syndrome
They tell me my success is intimidating. Their pride and ego hits the shredder in my presence. They contemplate what they can do for me if I already appear to not "need" anything.
Resume: I am 24 years old, only daughter of a Southern mother and Puerto Rican father. Both my brothers are currently incarcerated with children. I have none. I am the first and only person in my immediate family to graduate with Bachelor's Degree in History/Educational Studies from Emory University. I completed two years with AmeriCorps Service Programs, living on a low income while giving back to my community through volunteering, teaching/tutoring students in math, and running an after school program. I have been writing poetry and prose for almost ten years. I love to read, and learn new things; my nickname is Wikipedia. I currently teach English, Math and Social Studies to a great group of middle schoolers (check the blog: www.wtnxt.blogspot.com). I can cook; very well if I may say so myself. I'm organized, have my own space, car, income, etc.
Now, on the outside (for a man who may have/or doesn't have) this may seem like I'm set. As if I'm too independent and there is no "Need" for a man to fit into all of this. This is because our ideals of what a man is for has been simplified to financial status, sex, and in general some type of "Support" instead a mutual exchange of checks/balances, substance, existence, and compromise.
The concept of any union between individuals, whether from friendship, intimate partners, or companionship, must be rooted from a place where both are giving something.
And so we often hear men complain about how woman are too needy, that they always have their hands out or there are so many "Gold Diggers" in Atlanta. But isn't it much easier when a woman has "Her Own" whether this means in terms of finances, education, motivational drive, or self worth. Essentially, her wants will not subtract from your needs as a man because she already has her own. The energy may just need to be shifted to other aspects.
So I wonder if this is intimidating for those who need the ego feeder of being "Needed" as a man because we have confused ourselves to misinterpret what "Need" means or requires. Too long have we played into the stereotypical gender roles society has created and we continue to perpetuate them.this point will continue in part #3: Lets Play House.
And then you have the man who confuses his reality for an image that he thinks will acquire women. Living a "Pretend/Fake lifestyle and still stuck on impressing a woman through the wrong means will only acquire the "Wrong" type of individual. Pretending to be something you are not insinuates that you are either not comfortable with your reality or afraid to let others see your truths. In terms of men, this is a possibility when one doesn't feel like they are meeting the woman at her level. In terms of woman, we usually question ourselves when another female is involved.
Nonetheless, the desire is still present, whether met with presence or presents. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't desire human contact, interaction, or companionship at some point in their life. So to assume that because everything seems right isn't always correct. Even more so, with respect to a woman "Having" this places her in the proper position to "Give" whether through conversation, cooking, having appropriate living quarters to entertain company, a stable income or a car for outings.
In terms of initial interactions, these things may/shouldn't come up. But in the conversations following there should be a discussion of ones profession, personal hobbies/likes, and goals in hope of understanding each other better. The reaction/result after these conversation can/will determine the intent of both individuals.
Monday, September 20, 2010
unapproachable #1
#1: Men want to be welcomed/invited:
They tell me I don’t smile enough. I have that NY Mean Mug (sometimes). They tell me I am not Southern enough; whatever that means. And all of this may be true . . . but my smiles are earned. My resting face is different from others, if that is a “Straight Face” compared to a smile, then one should accept that. Does one actually realize how many muscles it takes to smile, and yes it may take less to smile than to frown . . . but who really walks around frowning all day! And if I walked around with a huge smile on my face all the time then people will wonder why the hell I am smiling, especially those who may not have anything to smile about and those who know this is not me/my style. I refuse to fake to attract a man who is not willing to work to put a smile on my face. A cute remark, a smart comment, a comeback, a wink, a hug, a beautiful scent gliding across my nose, pretty teeth, eye contact, intelligence, poise . . . those are the small things that birth grins, smiles, smirks, and cute laughs. Not for attention, but simply based on genuine emotions/desires.
Since when has it been possible to be a afraid of thrills, temptation, and the misunderstood? We find ourselves chasing the unknown in other areas of our lives, yet expect things to be much easier/simpler when it comes to human interactions.
We all know that when one doesn't fully earn the things they receive/have, they do not always appreciate them in the same light. This theory applies to everything . . . it is so easy to take existence for granted, smiles for granted, getting to know someone for granted:
Why not earn it all?
Or are we just to lazy as humans to conceptualize or process the thought of earning “Life” and not expecting too much of the same things from everyone?
They tell me I don’t smile enough. I have that NY Mean Mug (sometimes). They tell me I am not Southern enough; whatever that means. And all of this may be true . . . but my smiles are earned. My resting face is different from others, if that is a “Straight Face” compared to a smile, then one should accept that. Does one actually realize how many muscles it takes to smile, and yes it may take less to smile than to frown . . . but who really walks around frowning all day! And if I walked around with a huge smile on my face all the time then people will wonder why the hell I am smiling, especially those who may not have anything to smile about and those who know this is not me/my style. I refuse to fake to attract a man who is not willing to work to put a smile on my face. A cute remark, a smart comment, a comeback, a wink, a hug, a beautiful scent gliding across my nose, pretty teeth, eye contact, intelligence, poise . . . those are the small things that birth grins, smiles, smirks, and cute laughs. Not for attention, but simply based on genuine emotions/desires.
Since when has it been possible to be a afraid of thrills, temptation, and the misunderstood? We find ourselves chasing the unknown in other areas of our lives, yet expect things to be much easier/simpler when it comes to human interactions.
We all know that when one doesn't fully earn the things they receive/have, they do not always appreciate them in the same light. This theory applies to everything . . . it is so easy to take existence for granted, smiles for granted, getting to know someone for granted:
Why not earn it all?
Or are we just to lazy as humans to conceptualize or process the thought of earning “Life” and not expecting too much of the same things from everyone?
“Unapproachable Woman”
“Unapproachable Woman”
They say I'm unapproachable.
They say I need to smile more.
They tell me my success is intimidating.
They say I need to learn how to submit.
They remind me that I am a NY chick not a Southern Belle.
They say I'm too intellectual.
They tell me I should get out more.
They are offended by my loyalty to the truth.
They tell me I'm unapproachable. Such an unsettling comment to make to a woman, as if to imply that I intend to be seen this way. I've been told this since I could remember. For the longest, it never bothered me. My “Innocence” and my “I Don’t Give A Fuck” attitude towards other people's perception, never allowed me to fully process the statement. However, as I fully begin to digest my abilities as a woman, my responsibilities and priorities, when it comes to being successful for myself, and simply questioning the questions, I start to wonder whether or not this notion of being “Unapproachable” is valid, and if so then what. So let's dip into few reasons I've explored with several men in my life on this topic, as well as my truths.
The basis of this conversation is not on whether or not a woman (or me) can keep a man around, I'm not even worried about that part. It simply is the issue of the initial reaction, interaction, conversation that is the deciding factor for something to turn into “Lets Talk Later, Call Me, or Can We Go Out . . . etc.” However, these factors still play a role after the initial meeting as well. They can either dictate the movement, pace, or connection between two individuals especially if one allows such to occur.
A preview:
#1: Men want to be welcomed/invited (will be posted later today!)
#2: What can you do for me syndrome
#3: Let's play house
#4:Too Analytical
#5: You can't handle the truth
They say I'm unapproachable.
They say I need to smile more.
They tell me my success is intimidating.
They say I need to learn how to submit.
They remind me that I am a NY chick not a Southern Belle.
They say I'm too intellectual.
They tell me I should get out more.
They are offended by my loyalty to the truth.
They tell me I'm unapproachable. Such an unsettling comment to make to a woman, as if to imply that I intend to be seen this way. I've been told this since I could remember. For the longest, it never bothered me. My “Innocence” and my “I Don’t Give A Fuck” attitude towards other people's perception, never allowed me to fully process the statement. However, as I fully begin to digest my abilities as a woman, my responsibilities and priorities, when it comes to being successful for myself, and simply questioning the questions, I start to wonder whether or not this notion of being “Unapproachable” is valid, and if so then what. So let's dip into few reasons I've explored with several men in my life on this topic, as well as my truths.
The basis of this conversation is not on whether or not a woman (or me) can keep a man around, I'm not even worried about that part. It simply is the issue of the initial reaction, interaction, conversation that is the deciding factor for something to turn into “Lets Talk Later, Call Me, or Can We Go Out . . . etc.” However, these factors still play a role after the initial meeting as well. They can either dictate the movement, pace, or connection between two individuals especially if one allows such to occur.
A preview:
#1: Men want to be welcomed/invited (will be posted later today!)
#2: What can you do for me syndrome
#3: Let's play house
#4:Too Analytical
#5: You can't handle the truth
Sunday, September 19, 2010
My Housewarming
This is my place. I have created a space for my soul to worship itself. My existence has blessed many, I just wanted a realm that gives it back to me equally. A reflection of a walking poem, the image needed to progress thought, murder writer's block, and resurrect ever living breath of inspiration I forget lives within me. My vessel.
This is my place. I have mastered the definition of self every time I look around. Its apparent. Even with my eyes closed. Small pieces of my personality, character references within colors, the random alignment of spines. Calmly, I embrace your nothing with my everything. Capturing the time with seconds of me. And I humbly place my being in front of you for studying. I open my temple as a welcome for you to worship as well.
My place. This is me.
Housewarming.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"What's Next"
I teach middle school - language arts, social studies and math!!
Every day my students have 30 minutes to answer a question i pose to the class. We formed a blog posting the best journal entries... and I hope you enjoy..
Thanks!!
my class blog is up check it out
http://wtnxt.blogspot.com/
Every day my students have 30 minutes to answer a question i pose to the class. We formed a blog posting the best journal entries... and I hope you enjoy..
Thanks!!
my class blog is up check it out
http://wtnxt.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
broken bitter
Broken bitter. You let it all weigh on your nights. Mirrors reflect flashbacks, pandora box of memories, you relish in reliving. Stop there. Let your fractured pieces heal themselves internally. One shouldn't peel a scab if one is not ready to possibly draw blood. You see what you wish. Beauty beyond the scars. Feeding your emptiness with disguised nourishment. Illusions have killed many. Plagues rot perception. Genocides of emotions. Your expectations are forever ruined by your falsity. Yet within every glance you chase your reflection, trying to capture images. Those needing to be left on the other side of the glass. Double sided rooms fool no one, unless the fool is you. Nearly every night, you forget to appreciate the day, broken bitter. Open your eyes.
forest, tree, leaves....
once was. is.
2003.
While traveling (via greyhound) in college from GA to FL, I peered out of my window and suddenly connected to nature in a way that has yet to escape me.
I saw my ancestors among the forest. I felt their spirits within the simplicity of the trees, the movement of the branches, and their sway from side to side.
It was almost so effortlessly. As if they were being guided from some divine hand. I could smell their sweet scent, feel the warmth of them watching me. All my bitter brokenness became whole.
It (the aura) cuffed my ego, and stimulated my curiosity, while increasing my pride. I was reborn. New.
All through mother nature. And since have been giving her all respect. Reaching to pose as a reflection of such, a lifestyle as inspiration, to calm my complexities. Watching their stillness, even among the most turbulent storms, they stand. Withstand the test. Forest. Trees. Branches. Leaves. Roots. Trunk. Souls.
I am learning. Observing.
And so what of this? How is this important to our existence? When he tells me of a story where the forest is overseen for the trees. And yet here I am worshiping each branch. What now? I guess I am beyond living.
2003.
While traveling (via greyhound) in college from GA to FL, I peered out of my window and suddenly connected to nature in a way that has yet to escape me.
I saw my ancestors among the forest. I felt their spirits within the simplicity of the trees, the movement of the branches, and their sway from side to side.
It was almost so effortlessly. As if they were being guided from some divine hand. I could smell their sweet scent, feel the warmth of them watching me. All my bitter brokenness became whole.
It (the aura) cuffed my ego, and stimulated my curiosity, while increasing my pride. I was reborn. New.
All through mother nature. And since have been giving her all respect. Reaching to pose as a reflection of such, a lifestyle as inspiration, to calm my complexities. Watching their stillness, even among the most turbulent storms, they stand. Withstand the test. Forest. Trees. Branches. Leaves. Roots. Trunk. Souls.
I am learning. Observing.
And so what of this? How is this important to our existence? When he tells me of a story where the forest is overseen for the trees. And yet here I am worshiping each branch. What now? I guess I am beyond living.
Feather Pen Tat
Purge
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
suicide
I wouldn't mind dying today so as long as you post this so everyone can read:
Everything in question is under the scrutiny of truth, the validity of circumstance, and toying the line of integrity.
If you must over think love, then are you really loving? If you must worry about consequences, then how do you justify your actions?
Just remember time does not stop when death pays a visit.
My words will be timeless. Worth every second.
"Words are means of expressing the depth of the ocean, the height of the sky, and the simplicity of observation."
Everything in question is under the scrutiny of truth, the validity of circumstance, and toying the line of integrity.
If you must over think love, then are you really loving? If you must worry about consequences, then how do you justify your actions?
Just remember time does not stop when death pays a visit.
My words will be timeless. Worth every second.
Support CITY OF INK's London Trip!
via Miya Bailey's Blog :
This is our first time ever going to London, we will be tattooing and filming from Sept.27-Oct.8....after we finish tattooing we plan to going to Paris & Amsterdam (and a few more spots on the train) we need ALL our supporters, clients, customers, fans, friends, and family to help us promote this trip..we are trying to tattoo as many people over there as we can... We want to REALLY leave our mark in the UK....but that can only happen with your simple help...
I would like everyone to SAVE this flyer, and post it on your blogs, facebook, Twitter, twitpics, websites, email blast, forums, etc.. And post this flyer everywhere.... Let's spread this moment....and inspire each city at a time.. One person at a time.... All promotion help is welcomed.. Just save and post the flyer... Many blessings and much love
lets get naked
Bare your soul. I will catch all your faults,cuddle them next to mine, clothe your insecurities, and affirm your unique ability to write yourself into my life. Don't attempt to put together poems on your reality because with every touch of my pen, my intentions are enough to subdue the silence. you're still half human.
Pyramid Smiles
You built me from the top down. You exist off the ruins of my smile as we break molds to create a masterpiece. You always told me that you didn't want any one else's leftover pyramid. Though there is something magical about restoring an antique. But you deserve your own throne and crown. Deity. Pharaoh. Queen. You saw the god in me. Yet became trapped within my winds. You tore away my protective fortress, only to find something unexpected. You never imagined: I was built from the inside out. Since reincarnation I have always been HER, your keepsake.
uncertainty
outside my window is a train wreck of emotions. bodies floating. nothing close to selfless intentions. i can see what everything has done to my people. or better yet what my people have done to themselves. traffic jams holding machines responsible for lost souls. when will accountability be the first word our children speak? and what of my rituals... lonely, long dark nights stretching limbs for safety. watching my back because its only me. I'm stuck in a vault. defense mechanism that no one else will understand but you. when turning the cheek is fashionable like wearing a different pair of shoes. looking away is picture perfect... a subtle way of saying hello. and moving forward takes little effort... just planting one foot in front of the other. This is the part of life that we too often forget to accept: uncertainty. Fluidity of accepting me as i am and moving according to who you will always be. Yet it feels like my conscience wont allow movement without knowing. I just wish that you, I, we one day will allow all the light of being in the dark to illuminate our moments. To eliminate our worries. So that i can be on my way, within my realms of safety and you... be content within your blanket of consistency. Then our people will be free... if we just except uncertainty. No one will be let down by the present.
Monday, September 13, 2010
#2
Did you know that on average, most arabic linguistics make a minimum of 42k a year in the United States? Its funny how a job studying language, translating and deciphering a language of our (the U.S) self proclaimed "enemy,turned new friend" seems to pay decent. If only the world saw this as a joint exploration, venturing to uncover cultural barriers rather than decoding encrypted manuscripts. An income and a diversion. I see it as an outlet. A way to connect with him. Since he said "our minds are translators for our souls" what does my soul say when I can translate his heart. Transcribe conversations, converting symbols into means of expression, simple phrases left unsaid. Who is to say I will ever need to understand arabic. Why, when I can understand his soul. What's. The purpose of any of language, when my salary is counted in good mornings?
inspirational rant....
My memories tease the emotions of current and past events,destroying the structure of its natural flow. Its destination has changed drastically. My soul has been inverted. And for once I can finally see myself for its truth. Never again will dams misguide my waters. Life's bumpers can only be valued through nature. Artificial routes ultimately lead back to me. Self hate doesn't lurk in my shadows.
(#connect)
(#connect)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Life Without Desire
Separating yourself from humanity is a tricky topic. Should it even be done? Can man survive without human interaction. Companionship, friendship, partnership, trade, intimacy, superiority, who will one compete against if there is no one else around?? Can Darwinism exist fully if man has no competitor?
I wonder if the monks crave for companionship? Is the purpose of their existence to simply appreciate the present....and if they do crave or have desire: then what? Is it an internal signal for prayer, meditation, reflection, re evaluation, or simply a human characteristic that should not be fought. Can we fight our urges?
Is the emotion of desire the downfall of us as a people? Are we craving too many of the wrong things? What are the wrong things? Do we reach for external more than internal....how do we cure ourselves of this itch! Or do we except it as is? Is it even curable or merely "negative" at all?
Some people interchange need with please, chasing greed, off that burning fire. But what is life like without desire? Does it exist at all? Even in the simplest forms want is human nature.. Or have we just told ourselves such so many times?
I cannot have favorites without cravings, picking out an outfit for context and emotion, or doing something to get attention.
What if we all just went with the flow of things. But what is the flow of things? What does it really mean? Would I just wear the first thing I see, eat the first piece of meat, or just do according to what happens next?
What happens to those misunderstood and special by default. Those with abilities that didn't come from desire. The people who's profound abilities still survived the realm of individualism. Being alone has never cost an artist his work, for simply it has increased their craft. Sometimes we have remarkable abilities we never asked for or desired,yet everyone expects us to utilize. What of the moments we don't ask for....how do they equate to those we make on mental wish lists to gods?
How can all our daily actions change at the same time? What will the world become? What is change without desire, where does the spark of motivation come from? When we nurture our crafts and let things flow naturally. What happens then? Will art be forever seen in a different light without desire for selfish perception. All things would then be beautiful then, correct?
Where do you find balance....if the scale is yourself? Weighing your mental process on the options of today being a forever than never stops. If we all just went with the wind... Everyday would be a new experience. Are we simply to afraid to let go? And fly? Or has desire and lust reeled us in....
My homie Cory...aka @Coreman2200 responded to these questions with a blog post of his own... please read and embrace the concept of thought...
Friday, September 10, 2010
.......
Sometimes, I just want to be a kid again. Slowly I close my eyes, making wishes on shooting stars again. Awakening to a brighter day just through innocence. The sweet hellos and goodbyes that meant nothing, since I could conceptualize time. I just thought everyone would return. And that everyone loved the same way. Isn't love meant to be unconditional anyways?
Monday, August 23, 2010
Spider Web of Seconds
With every letter I store our thoughts into file cabinets.
Mental notes of to do lists and accomplishments
Mutual exchange of silence through noise
My soul is speaking tongues.
You say everything with the blink of an eye.
Yet merely nothing with the lick of your lips.
Mute. We. Us.
Your presence echoes more.
My senses are on alarm.
Goose bumps from the inside out.
Let me learn you.
Store you next to favorites.
Name starred with asterisks.
Keep you book marked, close to nothings but everythings.
The overlapping crossing point of infinity,
Or simply the space between.
Simplicity of you next to me. still.
I have created a folder for my poems
I have yet to write bout you.
Little do you know.
Karma encrypted.
A treasure chest.
Pierced by memories
Yet lived.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Mental notes of to do lists and accomplishments
Mutual exchange of silence through noise
My soul is speaking tongues.
You say everything with the blink of an eye.
Yet merely nothing with the lick of your lips.
Mute. We. Us.
Your presence echoes more.
My senses are on alarm.
Goose bumps from the inside out.
Let me learn you.
Store you next to favorites.
Name starred with asterisks.
Keep you book marked, close to nothings but everythings.
The overlapping crossing point of infinity,
Or simply the space between.
Simplicity of you next to me. still.
I have created a folder for my poems
I have yet to write bout you.
Little do you know.
Karma encrypted.
A treasure chest.
Pierced by memories
Yet lived.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
"Intro"
You're a chameleon
Manipulating space within time
Creating infinities out of nothing
The never ending cycle of continuum
A symbol on consistency in raw form
The existence of a beginning that once was the last of something
Union of polar opposites that highlight both greatness and failure within shadows and spotlights
The circular motion of the washer machine and how it doesn't measure correctly with the volume of the matching dryer
I now must dry two loads of alphabets. Tumble low,for fear of ripping apart phrases, egos, and pride.
A paradox of two same things, that look different depending on the angle of light. Perception never exists without secret vision.
We all are super heroes for saving substance. Putting logic and knowledge to work. If only we realized this more.
Are words wouldn't be so jumbled within our emotions. And our lifestyles would match our diction.
Poetry is just something that exist outside of every rule and equation. A formula of freedom design for creation.
It simply starts from strokes of within.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Manipulating space within time
Creating infinities out of nothing
The never ending cycle of continuum
A symbol on consistency in raw form
The existence of a beginning that once was the last of something
Union of polar opposites that highlight both greatness and failure within shadows and spotlights
The circular motion of the washer machine and how it doesn't measure correctly with the volume of the matching dryer
I now must dry two loads of alphabets. Tumble low,for fear of ripping apart phrases, egos, and pride.
A paradox of two same things, that look different depending on the angle of light. Perception never exists without secret vision.
We all are super heroes for saving substance. Putting logic and knowledge to work. If only we realized this more.
Are words wouldn't be so jumbled within our emotions. And our lifestyles would match our diction.
Poetry is just something that exist outside of every rule and equation. A formula of freedom design for creation.
It simply starts from strokes of within.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, August 19, 2010
energizer bunny
keep going and going and going...
i keep hearing a tiny whisper telling me to keep going and going and going. otherwise i would have taken 3 days of down time to rest by now. Although I can truly say that I only had about maybe at maximimun 2 weeks to really enjoy this summer with my friends and family.... I am enjoying everything the hard work is setting up for me. I have been on it non stop. Driving to my hometown, then New Hampshire... spending 7 weeks teaching at a summer program at a boarding school... to drive back in the reverse. move instantly. and prepare for a new job in less than 2 weeks. my body has been on non stop overload. my mind has been on overdrive since may it seems. plotting and planning my next move. i still need to clean, organize, decorate, paint my classroom... which is a blessing.... so many freedoms in the teaching world this year and i am eternally grateful. nothing like actually learning with freedom. my students will be blessed. while i g through the motions to prepare myself...my daily writings are on a hiatus. it saddens me... and so i am going to break this fast very soon...but i havent put pen to paper since leaving New Hampshire. And as much as I was anxious to get back to Atlanta.... I do miss the beautiful scenic view that help relax and unwind my mind.. place words in their proper place. soon come.
until then....
i will keep going and going and going....
i keep hearing a tiny whisper telling me to keep going and going and going. otherwise i would have taken 3 days of down time to rest by now. Although I can truly say that I only had about maybe at maximimun 2 weeks to really enjoy this summer with my friends and family.... I am enjoying everything the hard work is setting up for me. I have been on it non stop. Driving to my hometown, then New Hampshire... spending 7 weeks teaching at a summer program at a boarding school... to drive back in the reverse. move instantly. and prepare for a new job in less than 2 weeks. my body has been on non stop overload. my mind has been on overdrive since may it seems. plotting and planning my next move. i still need to clean, organize, decorate, paint my classroom... which is a blessing.... so many freedoms in the teaching world this year and i am eternally grateful. nothing like actually learning with freedom. my students will be blessed. while i g through the motions to prepare myself...my daily writings are on a hiatus. it saddens me... and so i am going to break this fast very soon...but i havent put pen to paper since leaving New Hampshire. And as much as I was anxious to get back to Atlanta.... I do miss the beautiful scenic view that help relax and unwind my mind.. place words in their proper place. soon come.
until then....
i will keep going and going and going....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Let it Soak
# MESSAGE:
" It is not fit that I should give myself pain, for I have never intentionally given pain even to another." - Marcus Aurelius (Meditations VIII,42)
Now let that sit and soak!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, August 2, 2010
Campus Shots
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Classic Isley
When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it's hard for me to tell you so
You may not be in the mood
To learn what you think you know
There are times when I find
You wanna keep yourself from me
When I don't have the strength
I'm just a mirror of what I see
But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know
Love
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sometimes it's hard for me to tell you so
You may not be in the mood
To learn what you think you know
There are times when I find
You wanna keep yourself from me
When I don't have the strength
I'm just a mirror of what I see
But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know
Love
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Net Sex. (New piece)
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck having sex!
Let's make love!
Love!
Love!
Fuck over bbm, text, and email verses
Intercourse within 140 characters as we tweet
Let me unite with you over enter
Tapping that ass on qwerty keys
How about you just facebook me!
Send my wall- kisses, lingerie, and Trojans
When will you get it?
Huh!
I want more than your physical
That's beyond easy
Social media dates
Take out over skype
Let's speak poetry over gchat
I will send you audio of my soul
Fuck!
Fuck having sex!
Let's make love!
Why not use the internet for what its worth!
Press : SEND!
Fuck
Fuck having sex!
Let's make love!
Love!
Love!
Fuck over bbm, text, and email verses
Intercourse within 140 characters as we tweet
Let me unite with you over enter
Tapping that ass on qwerty keys
How about you just facebook me!
Send my wall- kisses, lingerie, and Trojans
When will you get it?
Huh!
I want more than your physical
That's beyond easy
Social media dates
Take out over skype
Let's speak poetry over gchat
I will send you audio of my soul
Fuck!
Fuck having sex!
Let's make love!
Why not use the internet for what its worth!
Press : SEND!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
rumi
LOOKING FOR YOUR FACE
From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it
Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for
Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did
I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes
My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold
I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine
Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow
My soul is screaming in ecstacy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you
Your efflugence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky
My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer
From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it
Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for
Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did
I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes
My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold
I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine
Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow
My soul is screaming in ecstacy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you
Your efflugence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky
My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer
Needs-
A Jerome Dickens & Joski Diesel Collaboration
I want sum strawberries
I want more sleep
I want an endless supply of paper
I want some smothered chicken
I want some fish with grits
I want to be held after I come home from work
I want to come home from work
I want to be a man, not who you want me to be, but my own man.
I just want to be
I want to be your friend, but don't take my kindness for a weakness
I want to turn my back on ignorance
I want to be heard, read, and felt
I want to be understood, for who I am!
I just want to be who I am
I want to slap someone
I want to love someone.
I want to love again
I want to see my brothers again, outside of bars
I want freedom to exist where we all are
I just want to be me again, not the person everyone is saying I was
I want my past to teach others a lesson
I just want to teach
I want to be left alone, sometimes
I want a fresh bagel
I want to stop leaving folks sometimes
I want a New York bagel in Georgia
I want Georgia red clay in New York
I want to live
I want to write and be right, isn't that right
I want to be outside
But I want to look around and be surrounded by those who look like me for once in 6 weeks
I want meditation quotes tatted on my back
I want a massage!
I want people to stop asking me how many tattoos I have, yet I want them to see the message!
I want to massage your temples. Every inch is a worship center!
I want to know I am equivalent to nothing that's ever existed before.
I want a real family.
I want to know - what is a real family?
I want my needs.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I want sum strawberries
I want more sleep
I want an endless supply of paper
I want some smothered chicken
I want some fish with grits
I want to be held after I come home from work
I want to come home from work
I want to be a man, not who you want me to be, but my own man.
I just want to be
I want to be your friend, but don't take my kindness for a weakness
I want to turn my back on ignorance
I want to be heard, read, and felt
I want to be understood, for who I am!
I just want to be who I am
I want to slap someone
I want to love someone.
I want to love again
I want to see my brothers again, outside of bars
I want freedom to exist where we all are
I just want to be me again, not the person everyone is saying I was
I want my past to teach others a lesson
I just want to teach
I want to be left alone, sometimes
I want a fresh bagel
I want to stop leaving folks sometimes
I want a New York bagel in Georgia
I want Georgia red clay in New York
I want to live
I want to write and be right, isn't that right
I want to be outside
But I want to look around and be surrounded by those who look like me for once in 6 weeks
I want meditation quotes tatted on my back
I want a massage!
I want people to stop asking me how many tattoos I have, yet I want them to see the message!
I want to massage your temples. Every inch is a worship center!
I want to know I am equivalent to nothing that's ever existed before.
I want a real family.
I want to know - what is a real family?
I want my needs.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Alignment
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
live
sometimes the words left unspoken mean the most
and the thoughts never acted on
erase memories
that could have lived.
dont hesistate to be you!
today!
everyday!
live
and the thoughts never acted on
erase memories
that could have lived.
dont hesistate to be you!
today!
everyday!
live
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
retrospect for life #common #laurynhill
Yo we gotta start respectin life more y'all
You look at your brother man you gotta see yourself
Gotta see the God within him
Brothers gettin changed real quick over nothin
We losin too many of ours
Gotta recreate y'all
Yo check it
Knowin you the best part of life do I have the right to take yours
Cause I created you irresponsibly
Subconciously knowin the act I was a part of
The start of somethin, I'm not ready to bring into the world
Had myself believin I was sterile
I look into mother's stomach, wonder if you are a boy or a girl
Turnin this woman's womb into a tomb
But she and I agree, a seed we don't need
You would've been much more than a mouth to feed
But someone, I woulda fed this information I read
to someone, my life for you I woulda had to leave
Instead I lead you to death
I'm sorry for takin your first breath, first step, and first cry
But I wasn't prepared mentally nor financially
Havin a child shouldn't have to bring out the man in me
Plus I wanted you to be raised within a family
I don't wanna, go through the drama of havin a baby's momma
Weekend visits and buyin J's ain't gon' make me a father
For a while bearing a child is somethin I never wanted to do
For me to live forever I can only do that through you
Nerve I got to talk about them niggaz with a gun
Must have really thought I was God to take the life of my son
I could have sacrificed goin out
To think my homies who did it I used to joke about, from now on
I'ma use self control instead of birth control
Cause $315 ain't worth your soul
$315 ain't worth your soul
$315 ain't worth it
[Lauryn Hill (two layers of vocals, same words)]
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
[Common] Yo
Why didn't you stay
Seeing you as a present and a gift in itself
You had our child in you, I probably never feel what you felt
But you dealt with it like the strong black woman you are
Through our trials and tribulations, child's elimination
An intergration of thoughts I feel about the situation
Back and forth my feelings was pacin
Happy deep down but not joyed enough to have it
But even that's a lie in less than two weeks, we was back at it
Is this unprotected love or safe to say it's lust
Bustin, more than the sweat in somebody you trust
Or is it that we don't trust each other enough
And believe, havin this child'll make us have to stay together
Girl I want you in my life cause you have made it better
Thinkin we all in love cause we can spend a day together
We talkin spendin the rest of our lives
It's too many black women that can say they mothers
but can't say that they wives
I wouldn't chose any other to mother my understanding
But I want our Parenthood to come from Planning
It's so much in my life that's undone
We gotta see eye to eye, about family, before we can become one
If you had decided to have it the situation I wouldn't run from
But I'm walkin, findin myself in my God
So I can, discipline my son with my writin
Not have a judge tellin me how and when to raise my seed
Though his death was at our greed, with no one else to blame
I had a book of Afrikan names, case our minds changed
You say your period hasn't came, and lately I've been sleepy
So quit smokin the weed and the beadies and let's have this boy
[Lauryn Hill]
I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
You said you would be here when it rained
Ohh I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
Now the situation's made things change
Things change
Why, didn't you stay
Why didn't you stay...
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
In summer
You said you would be here when, it rained
When it rained, it rained
Ohhhohh I, never dreamed, you'd leave in summer
You said you wouldn't leave
Now the situation's made things change
Things change, why didn't you stay?
Stay, stay stay stay stay stay stay
Mmmmm, stayyy
Uh-uh
Ohh why didn't you stay..
You look at your brother man you gotta see yourself
Gotta see the God within him
Brothers gettin changed real quick over nothin
We losin too many of ours
Gotta recreate y'all
Yo check it
Knowin you the best part of life do I have the right to take yours
Cause I created you irresponsibly
Subconciously knowin the act I was a part of
The start of somethin, I'm not ready to bring into the world
Had myself believin I was sterile
I look into mother's stomach, wonder if you are a boy or a girl
Turnin this woman's womb into a tomb
But she and I agree, a seed we don't need
You would've been much more than a mouth to feed
But someone, I woulda fed this information I read
to someone, my life for you I woulda had to leave
Instead I lead you to death
I'm sorry for takin your first breath, first step, and first cry
But I wasn't prepared mentally nor financially
Havin a child shouldn't have to bring out the man in me
Plus I wanted you to be raised within a family
I don't wanna, go through the drama of havin a baby's momma
Weekend visits and buyin J's ain't gon' make me a father
For a while bearing a child is somethin I never wanted to do
For me to live forever I can only do that through you
Nerve I got to talk about them niggaz with a gun
Must have really thought I was God to take the life of my son
I could have sacrificed goin out
To think my homies who did it I used to joke about, from now on
I'ma use self control instead of birth control
Cause $315 ain't worth your soul
$315 ain't worth your soul
$315 ain't worth it
[Lauryn Hill (two layers of vocals, same words)]
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
[Common] Yo
Why didn't you stay
Seeing you as a present and a gift in itself
You had our child in you, I probably never feel what you felt
But you dealt with it like the strong black woman you are
Through our trials and tribulations, child's elimination
An intergration of thoughts I feel about the situation
Back and forth my feelings was pacin
Happy deep down but not joyed enough to have it
But even that's a lie in less than two weeks, we was back at it
Is this unprotected love or safe to say it's lust
Bustin, more than the sweat in somebody you trust
Or is it that we don't trust each other enough
And believe, havin this child'll make us have to stay together
Girl I want you in my life cause you have made it better
Thinkin we all in love cause we can spend a day together
We talkin spendin the rest of our lives
It's too many black women that can say they mothers
but can't say that they wives
I wouldn't chose any other to mother my understanding
But I want our Parenthood to come from Planning
It's so much in my life that's undone
We gotta see eye to eye, about family, before we can become one
If you had decided to have it the situation I wouldn't run from
But I'm walkin, findin myself in my God
So I can, discipline my son with my writin
Not have a judge tellin me how and when to raise my seed
Though his death was at our greed, with no one else to blame
I had a book of Afrikan names, case our minds changed
You say your period hasn't came, and lately I've been sleepy
So quit smokin the weed and the beadies and let's have this boy
[Lauryn Hill]
I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
You said you would be here when it rained
Ohh I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
Now the situation's made things change
Things change
Why, didn't you stay
Why didn't you stay...
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
In summer
You said you would be here when, it rained
When it rained, it rained
Ohhhohh I, never dreamed, you'd leave in summer
You said you wouldn't leave
Now the situation's made things change
Things change, why didn't you stay?
Stay, stay stay stay stay stay stay
Mmmmm, stayyy
Uh-uh
Ohh why didn't you stay..
Truth
Your spirit is beautiful. I'm thankful for the space and environment to exchange such words, to create such energy, and to imagine such thoughts. Merely their existence alone is enough. The physical completion of such desires will be an extension of the gift of the present.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Lost River: Gorges and Caves ( NH)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Friday, July 23, 2010
Last Book I Read
The Diving Bell and Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
A poetic and frank memoir of all sorts. Bauby suffered a stroke in 1995 that left him completely paralyzed. The only movement he could do was blink and sometimes move his head. After waking up from a month long coma, Bauby explores what its like to live his "new" life. As he travels to a place of freedom of the conscience more so now than the body. He writes about the food he misses, the joy and sadness of fathers day, the scene in Paris, the orderlies in the hospital, his countless vacations as his mind drifts to other places. He explains how he wrote the book by using the french alphabet according to frequency, and blinking when it was the correct letter. The book was published just two days before his death.
I found this book to serve as a reminder for me to appreciate the tiny things a lot more than I do. The mere essence of creating such a upfront and poetically descriptive work through the movement of one's eye lash is remarkable.
If you need help refocusing or tunnelling in on those things you make take for granted, please pick up this book. It was a great, smooth, and short read that can easily be completed in a few hours, but leave a lasting affect.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
A poetic and frank memoir of all sorts. Bauby suffered a stroke in 1995 that left him completely paralyzed. The only movement he could do was blink and sometimes move his head. After waking up from a month long coma, Bauby explores what its like to live his "new" life. As he travels to a place of freedom of the conscience more so now than the body. He writes about the food he misses, the joy and sadness of fathers day, the scene in Paris, the orderlies in the hospital, his countless vacations as his mind drifts to other places. He explains how he wrote the book by using the french alphabet according to frequency, and blinking when it was the correct letter. The book was published just two days before his death.
I found this book to serve as a reminder for me to appreciate the tiny things a lot more than I do. The mere essence of creating such a upfront and poetically descriptive work through the movement of one's eye lash is remarkable.
If you need help refocusing or tunnelling in on those things you make take for granted, please pick up this book. It was a great, smooth, and short read that can easily be completed in a few hours, but leave a lasting affect.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
The Beauty of the Mind
i am fascinated by philosophy because it pushes our minds to think about ideals in a different way. to look beyond the surface. to appreciate every little thing,the known, the unknown, the seen, the unforeseen, the absence and the apparent.
the meditations of marcus aurelius has been in my hands for the last few days. it first touched my soul when i heard a quote by him on law and order. oddly enough, the historian in me went to work, researching who he was and and his writings.
the meditations is a assortment of 12 essays. each essay consists of various thoughts, private beliefs, philosophies, and lessons learned throughout Marcus Aurelius rule as emperor in Rome.
i have posted 2 of his quotes prior to this.
here are a few more from my readings today:
" why should a man have apprehension about the change and dissolution of all the elements?" II,17.
' we are daily nearer to death" III,1
" do not waste the remainder of thy life in thoughts about others, when thou doest not refer thy thoughts to some object of common utility. " III,4
" for the man who is such and no longer delays being among the number of the best, is like a priest and minister of the gods, using the [deity] which is planted within him, which makes the man unconfined by pleasure, unharmed by any pain, untouched by insult, feeling no wrong a fighter in the noblest fight, one who cannot be overpowered by any passion, dyed deep with justice accepting with all his soul everything which happens and is assigned to him as his portion; and not often nor yet without great necessity and dor the general interest, imagining what another days, does, or thinks. " III, 4.
" a man must stand erect, not be kept erect by others." III.5
" every man lives only this present time, which is an indivisible point, and that all the rest of his life is either past of it is uncertain." III, 10
" they know not how many things are signified by the words stealing, sowing, buying, keeping, quiet, seeing what out to be done; for this is not effect by the eyes, ut another kind of vision. " III, 17
if you love these quotes invest in the book!
the meditations of marcus aurelius has been in my hands for the last few days. it first touched my soul when i heard a quote by him on law and order. oddly enough, the historian in me went to work, researching who he was and and his writings.
the meditations is a assortment of 12 essays. each essay consists of various thoughts, private beliefs, philosophies, and lessons learned throughout Marcus Aurelius rule as emperor in Rome.
i have posted 2 of his quotes prior to this.
here are a few more from my readings today:
" why should a man have apprehension about the change and dissolution of all the elements?" II,17.
' we are daily nearer to death" III,1
" do not waste the remainder of thy life in thoughts about others, when thou doest not refer thy thoughts to some object of common utility. " III,4
" for the man who is such and no longer delays being among the number of the best, is like a priest and minister of the gods, using the [deity] which is planted within him, which makes the man unconfined by pleasure, unharmed by any pain, untouched by insult, feeling no wrong a fighter in the noblest fight, one who cannot be overpowered by any passion, dyed deep with justice accepting with all his soul everything which happens and is assigned to him as his portion; and not often nor yet without great necessity and dor the general interest, imagining what another days, does, or thinks. " III, 4.
" a man must stand erect, not be kept erect by others." III.5
" every man lives only this present time, which is an indivisible point, and that all the rest of his life is either past of it is uncertain." III, 10
" they know not how many things are signified by the words stealing, sowing, buying, keeping, quiet, seeing what out to be done; for this is not effect by the eyes, ut another kind of vision. " III, 17
if you love these quotes invest in the book!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
always a reminder...
"Be (Intro)"
I want to be as free as the spirits of those who left
I'm talking Malcom, Coltrane, my man Yusef
Through death through conception
New breath and resurrection
For moms, new steps in her direction
In the right way
Told inside is where the fight lay
And everything a nigga do may not be what he might say
Chicago nights stay, stay on the mind
But I write many lives and lay on these lines
Wave the signs of the times
Many say the grind's on the mind
Shorties blunted-eyed and everyone wanna rhyme
Bush pushing lies, killers immortalized
We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'm gonna learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'm gonna do it, I gotta change the world through her
Furs and a Benz, gramps wantin 'em
Demons and old friends, pops they hauntin' him
The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun
When drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE
I want to be as free as the spirits of those who left
I'm talking Malcom, Coltrane, my man Yusef
Through death through conception
New breath and resurrection
For moms, new steps in her direction
In the right way
Told inside is where the fight lay
And everything a nigga do may not be what he might say
Chicago nights stay, stay on the mind
But I write many lives and lay on these lines
Wave the signs of the times
Many say the grind's on the mind
Shorties blunted-eyed and everyone wanna rhyme
Bush pushing lies, killers immortalized
We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'm gonna learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'm gonna do it, I gotta change the world through her
Furs and a Benz, gramps wantin 'em
Demons and old friends, pops they hauntin' him
The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun
When drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Hahah
You are not my muse.
You never have been.
I don't start pieces with you in thought.
The emotions guide me where I land.
Don't give yourself so much credit.
Especially if I am not giving it too.
The wind has swept me away.
The seasons are changing.
The has beens are becoming yesterdays news.
Check your expiration date.
I don't drink milk anyways.
Spilled or not.
You never have been.
I don't start pieces with you in thought.
The emotions guide me where I land.
Don't give yourself so much credit.
Especially if I am not giving it too.
The wind has swept me away.
The seasons are changing.
The has beens are becoming yesterdays news.
Check your expiration date.
I don't drink milk anyways.
Spilled or not.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, July 19, 2010
#QUOTE
When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrong doer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. (Marcus Aurelius)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Marcus Aurelius : Meditations
Quote:
Never regard something as doing you good if it makes you betray a trust or lose your sense of shame or makes you show hatred, suspicion, ill-will or hypocrisy or a desire for things best done behind closed doors.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Friday, July 16, 2010
Investments
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thank You!
Thank you. Two words that mean the most and often go unsaid. You have managed to capture my smile. Working your way into my day, you seemed to have traveled with me. Understanding me for who I am, and not who you need/want me to be. Seeing my words as expressions, moving each alphabet with me. Thank you. For listening, for talking, for keeping me, when I didn't need keeping. You have seen every cloud with me. We have found a trinity within our mysteries. Bridged a gap between our infinities. I just want you to know I see you from a far. And everyday, I'm thankful!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Gibberish VII
Tell how u spell ambition backwards? Or love in motion? How bout that special thing we have? That makes it worth it? who is destiny's parents!? When does certainty find a destination. What if chance never tried life. I probably would have never met you! Lucky woke the day we connected. I intend to feed him caffeine pills mixed with intent. Stirring inspiration. I must have this everyday.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
One Day Roadtrip
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Always Makes Me Smile
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Friday, July 9, 2010
Recap>>>>>> TASER
Taser While Black:2009
Suddenly seen as escape goats
Sparsely filled rags
Full life size
Imitation of life like
With Eyes on the prize type
Tom moved swift
New invention
Shooting flesh
Without leaving holes
Volts replaced bullets
Animals clothed
January 9th
Derrick Jones
17
Martinsville Virginia
Hunters hunting game
Seeking salute
Collecting priceless ivory
Tally mark
Leaving
One death per week this year
February 13th
37 years in
Rudolph Byrd
Thomasville
Georgia
As “Peace officers”
Show off their new pieces
Target practice
On the backs of blacks
Trying to get the highest score
Of torture and execute the harmless
Not responding quickly
Marcus d. Moore, forty,
Freeport Illinois
March 26th
Facts of creation
’69 to aim shots
Since 1974, they practiced
Hit miss
Below centre mass
Stimulating sensory nerve s
Palpating hearts
Seeking brains the wiz never gave
Sweet sixteen
Robert Mitchell
Hit Detroit streets
April 10th
Thomas A. Swift electric rifle
Split seconds erupts currents
Incapacitating muscles and strength
They blamed faulty batteries on Rodney king
Riots produced
It took 5 seconds past minutes
To Spark hate
Disposable camera’s recycled
Captured deaths on voltage
Another slain
Salem Oregon
Gregory Rold
May 23rd
37.
It’s the
21st century lynching
Creation
Slaying 3 headed monsters
Lose limbs left lifeless
Scarecrow like
Without reload
X3
Highly praised
Without price
How much does it cost?
Only all civil liberties
June 13, Dwight Madison, 48, Maryland
July 2nd, Roy McKenzie, 25, Cali
August 14th Hakim Jackson, 31, Philly
Either one could have been me
Without reload.
And so as Tom aims to hunt elephants
In the mother land
He inspires
Jack Cover,
NASA researcher to probe deaths into formulation
Another slain not by gunfire
Left uncounted
Yuceff W. Young
Age 21
Brooklyn Ohio
September 19th.
All at the hands
Tom A. Swift’s electric rifle
Suddenly seen as escape goats
Sparsely filled rags
Full life size
Imitation of life like
With Eyes on the prize type
Tom moved swift
New invention
Shooting flesh
Without leaving holes
Volts replaced bullets
Animals clothed
January 9th
Derrick Jones
17
Martinsville Virginia
Hunters hunting game
Seeking salute
Collecting priceless ivory
Tally mark
Leaving
One death per week this year
February 13th
37 years in
Rudolph Byrd
Thomasville
Georgia
As “Peace officers”
Show off their new pieces
Target practice
On the backs of blacks
Trying to get the highest score
Of torture and execute the harmless
Not responding quickly
Marcus d. Moore, forty,
Freeport Illinois
March 26th
Facts of creation
’69 to aim shots
Since 1974, they practiced
Hit miss
Below centre mass
Stimulating sensory nerve s
Palpating hearts
Seeking brains the wiz never gave
Sweet sixteen
Robert Mitchell
Hit Detroit streets
April 10th
Thomas A. Swift electric rifle
Split seconds erupts currents
Incapacitating muscles and strength
They blamed faulty batteries on Rodney king
Riots produced
It took 5 seconds past minutes
To Spark hate
Disposable camera’s recycled
Captured deaths on voltage
Another slain
Salem Oregon
Gregory Rold
May 23rd
37.
It’s the
21st century lynching
Creation
Slaying 3 headed monsters
Lose limbs left lifeless
Scarecrow like
Without reload
X3
Highly praised
Without price
How much does it cost?
Only all civil liberties
June 13, Dwight Madison, 48, Maryland
July 2nd, Roy McKenzie, 25, Cali
August 14th Hakim Jackson, 31, Philly
Either one could have been me
Without reload.
And so as Tom aims to hunt elephants
In the mother land
He inspires
Jack Cover,
NASA researcher to probe deaths into formulation
Another slain not by gunfire
Left uncounted
Yuceff W. Young
Age 21
Brooklyn Ohio
September 19th.
All at the hands
Tom A. Swift’s electric rifle
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Scraps #2
The world spins on its tippy toes.
While you stand still
Watching the empty souls wander
Jumping galaxies, chasing sanity.
Everything is moving
Except for you
Everyone is changing
What will you do?
No time for observation
You have scrutinized to many
When will you learn
To jive and move.
While you stand still
Watching the empty souls wander
Jumping galaxies, chasing sanity.
Everything is moving
Except for you
Everyone is changing
What will you do?
No time for observation
You have scrutinized to many
When will you learn
To jive and move.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
A Canvas
Your worthy
Paint you with historical relevance
Color you camouflage
Clothed with artifacts
Adinkra symbols
Egyptian metaphors
You speak silently
No need for explanation
Your existence is art.
A canvas.
Cocoa butter complexion
The background of perfection.
Your open to growth.
Never declining advancement.
You are my hidden treasure.
Every curve,each inch
Freedom is your blueprint.
My skin.
A canvas.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Paint you with historical relevance
Color you camouflage
Clothed with artifacts
Adinkra symbols
Egyptian metaphors
You speak silently
No need for explanation
Your existence is art.
A canvas.
Cocoa butter complexion
The background of perfection.
Your open to growth.
Never declining advancement.
You are my hidden treasure.
Every curve,each inch
Freedom is your blueprint.
My skin.
A canvas.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, July 5, 2010
Gibberish VI
Let me do mathematics on your skin.
figure out the surface area.
Hover over each inch,
redefining my unit of measure with kisses.
Nibbling
With intent,
knowing that if I an unlock your miseries and tunnel your motivations
into one area- I will win.
A treasure chest full of gold.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
figure out the surface area.
Hover over each inch,
redefining my unit of measure with kisses.
Nibbling
With intent,
knowing that if I an unlock your miseries and tunnel your motivations
into one area- I will win.
A treasure chest full of gold.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Gibberish IV
You must understand how in love I am with expression
Even some of the cruelest, most evil, things when sometimes aren't appropriate, still cannot be placed in containment
We must always learn to express ourselves,
the letters are only useful when they unite
The words only make sense when they fellowship
The sentences only have weight if I place them on a scale
I can never truly hate some one for speaking,
for I word rather them be honest, then mute and
untrue To themselves and others- that's more harmful!
I like all the facts,the emotions, emoticons, the phrases, punctuations, show me your colors,
let them shine and blend-
I would rather see your truths
and love u for them-
then to hate you for your lies
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Even some of the cruelest, most evil, things when sometimes aren't appropriate, still cannot be placed in containment
We must always learn to express ourselves,
the letters are only useful when they unite
The words only make sense when they fellowship
The sentences only have weight if I place them on a scale
I can never truly hate some one for speaking,
for I word rather them be honest, then mute and
untrue To themselves and others- that's more harmful!
I like all the facts,the emotions, emoticons, the phrases, punctuations, show me your colors,
let them shine and blend-
I would rather see your truths
and love u for them-
then to hate you for your lies
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Reality
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. Albert Einstein
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
By Now
Where would we be by now
Walking out
You glanced
Your eyes met mine with silence
We both starred.
Our first meeting
You were alive, again.
As your assumptions greeted confirmations
I sat waiting for you to speak a word
Slowly lingering from each movement of your tongue.
You were alive, again.
Breathing a different air.
Next to mine
We kissed with our breath.
As we both said hello.
Not once did your eyes stray.
I was caught.
We met minds on paper before this.
Made love between lines
Constrained and separated
In different locations
Yet intertwined
We were selling our souls
With each letter.
Hoping to meet passion
Face to face.
Way before you licked
The stamp.
Sealed
The envelope.
Before you found my existence.
And ascribed your thoughts in desperation
For a voice.
I know we crossed paths twice before.
In another lifetime.
Our souls just weren't present
Our hearts weren't open
Our minds had yet to greet each other
With curiosity.
Correctly
Passionately
Truthfully
And where would we be
If all things were different
Woven on trust in the consistency of each movement
Honesty has become a game of ask and tell
Truth and dares are sealed within each anticipated letter
And if left to long
Ink grows fonder
Throwing away "please don't write me" anymore
Having scribed "I'm mad at you"
a thousand times with my heart
All because a holiday delayed our love.
We, you and i
Making pages echo
So that others around read with envy
a prize possession
Everyone soaks in our beauty
Mail time becomes literary orgy's
That I don't mind.
Let us drift to free space
Travel the world through images and scents.
My photographic memory
Sealed within fragments
For each day you have served
Our love will last another
Writing volumes
Exchanging vowels and consonants
We have created our own alphabet
Dictated by emotions.
But nothing compares to that single moment.
When eyes touch
Silence with presence
Name to face
Soul to soul
We stood speechless
For every letter wrote
Now meant nothing.
Yet everything.
And so what If I could break you away
For we have already spent time removing obstacles
Ganesh like-
Mentally
Would things change?
How would we vocalize our love?
Giving life to letters, who now see death?
Warm smiles met with envelopes
Now greeted with hugs and hold me.
What would we become?
If the mail man quit delivering hope?
And your ink ran out of motivation
If things were so much different
What's the chances we would be too.
I'd rather things remain
And I fall in love with the alphabet over and over
Or have flashbacks of your smile
How we crossed the universe
To inhale next to each other.
And with each silent moment
I can feel you
Next to me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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