Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sunday Morning

As you left,
so did the existence of eternal peace
resting inside of me.
Slowly unrest crept up
and attacked my nervous system.

I became agitated with the idea of not seeing you until...
I became frustrated with the concept of not kissing you until...
I became nervous from having to fall back in love with you
every time you touch your feet on this soil.
Over and over again,
It feels like every trip is starting over.
But it is also proof that every trip my love is running over.

What strange creation is this love thing.
Especially when it is molded from the physical being gold,
traded over miles and emotions,
a test when throwing in distance...
I always have to wait until.
Until when?
Until what?

A true testament of tomorrow is the existence of today.
The purest form of what endless should be starts with something.
There most be a tiny piece of hope involved for us to last.
I have too much certainty in my grasp.
I don’t doubt destiny.

Nothing is the same without you,
because everything is changing with you.
Meals are just empty feedings,
no longer nourishment to my soul,
but just food my belly.
Showers have become quick and emotionless.
I no longer feel your warmth cleansing me
but envision repeats of something I once denied.

My apartment is empty with out you.
Filled with furniture branded by our love.
Gifts, scents, candles, tiny left overs
scattered among my belongings
all remind me of moments with you.

And what of this until concept???
I guess I will be waiting and loving you until we figure it out.
Wishing I could bottle your touch,
you be my Jeannie,
and appear when the bottle is rubbed....

Until then...
I am here.
Loving you
from the inner most
precious part of my being.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sun and Moon

My solar energy.

I Slept to thoughts of you
Only to Wake with you on my mind

Finding you shining
Way Before we found the sun.

Slowly we count down the minutes until I rise
And our present becomes past tense

Balancing the sun within the moon's existence
In a the world where I have found waldo in you.

My mystery.
They still investigate why people worship sun gods.

I just accept the fact that god shines within you.
Your rays are destined to burn those not able to withstand greatness.

When you need a rest,
I will grace the skies for you.
And we shall balance the universe.

Here I am

Sunday, October 31, 2010


i lived like i never lived before, i loved like i never loved before, i consumed every breathe as if it were my last eternally. I connected with the most night on a level I cant even begin to explain. My appreciation for human existence now surpasses my ability to understand. And with that I am caught, held hostage by the purity of greatness. Silent without question of why, when or how, but simply uttering thank you.

Each second spent felt like priceless hours. Confirming that words should not mean, but should be, the existence of such energy put life to each letter I managed to stutter. The stars were aligned, forming the smiles I sometimes fail to show. Not once did I frown in your presence. Not once was my soul not gleaming from the inside out -in your presence. Not once did I stop rejoicing- in your presence, even silently. Not one second did I want to leave your presence. The world could have offered me surrealism, and that wouldn't have been enough to glamorize the reality of our connection.

The future flashed before my eyes. I was silently daydreaming of being held within tomorrows embrace as if it were built on today. It all seems so foreign yet feels so familiar. Tickling my heart with emotion, I sort of like it, yet it feels so weird and different. My body is trembling from the idea of this lasting forever. Orgasmic pleasure meeting compassion and truth. And yet its only been a day of reflection. Imagine a lifetime of soaking in heaven. I wonder how my skin will glisten. Until then … I manage to stutter..thank you

Friday, October 15, 2010


She knows me so well.. Thankful for her presence in my life! Thanks sis:

@brittneygreene aka @blackposimage to me aka @joskidiesel:

Tonight, be true to yourself, give into your desires, but go deeper than the surface level. Explore the possibilities without exhausting all the options, enjoy being free. Relinquish your guard and JUST BE!!! I love you!!!

Joski Diesel

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Unapproachable Series: #5- Loyalty to the Truth

#5: Loyalty To The Truth:

I was having a conversation with a man the other week and I told him about this series ( same man mentioned in #4). Of course, he insisted I blog about our meeting, as if to imply that he is something spectacular (Kanye Shrug). Anyways, the main thing that stuck out in the conversation was when he asked me:

"What is the ultimate question to ask someone the first time you meet them?"

And I replied,

“What are your truths?"

As he hesitated, with a surprised look on his face . . .

It seemed like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, instead of what actually are his truths.

Then he asked why not ask someone

"What are your falsehoods?"

Wrong move.

The worst move!  

Essentially, the word "False" implies negative things. When you're meeting someone for the first time, you shouldn't start a conversation off with a laundry list of negative things about yourself. How many people are actually willing to divulge this information? And what judgments or assumptions would you make about them after they're done?

The question, "What are your truths" is simply wondering what do "YOU" hold true to yourself. This can be a confirmation of your positive or negative acts, emotions, ideals, theories, etc. The fact that one is willing and able to admit their "Negative" truths, shows that they're in tune with themselves, comfortable enough to admit them, and they understand the value of truth, honesty, and disclosure.
This question is no different from asking,

"Who are you?"

But it is rested on the basis of honesty, which isn't/should everything?

My Truths:

Controlling sometimes ( I like order and organization so this can be tuned into taking control.)
I like order and precision
Aquarius, in every sense
Learning how to say NO
Horrible with grammar (Thankful for my Editor!)
Believe I can save one and many
Road rage
Textaholic (I need help!)
Cut people off mid sentence without realizing it at times (sorry!)
Great cook
Learning: What's best for me is not best for you
People are for a purpose
Everything is disposable.

Now . . . was that difficult.

It seems like we hide ourselves behind the concept of truth so much that we lose site of its worth. Why run from what you already are? Are you not human enough to look into the mirror, face what you see, and accept what you can change?

There is nothing wrong with being you, even if that “You” is not who you desire to be. Its much easier to allow nature to take course first, then to make any changes you may want to improve, alter, or change the person you “Are”.

The concept of getting to know someone is unconsciously rested on the idea that both parties are speaking about their experiences, lifestyle, goals, and wants from a place of honesty. But this is not a realistic statement these days, and it seems more like a idealistic connection. It's sad that individuals are not accepting of themselves and they fear that others will not be as well. This is what lying to yourself implies in these instances. We are all works in progress, essentially only if we are working on ourselves, otherwise we have become content with our position which should render no problem in being upfront with others you may meet.

Now of course not all information about yourself should be disclosed immediately, depending on the person and the connection you want to establish. But those truths do not take away from you. And are still these truths.

An example of this:

You meet a nice gentleman. You exchange information with him, hang out a few times, enjoy each other's company. You have friendly conversations about work, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. But when do you find out their living situation, their REAL work situation, their transportation situation, you idea of the truth is transformed. Since everything that appeared during those interactions seemed “Truthful” but you didn’t have all the facts. And so now those truths become lies.

I try my best not to expect much out of others simply because it causes room for being let down, but also it decreases space for assumptions and error. While other people may believe if you do not expect things to get done, then they wont, I would rather do it myself. Just in the same sense, I don’t like to leave room for a guessing game, assumptions, or a wandering mind. I have no problem answering questions upfront and honestly, a person just needs to take the time to ask them.

I am an open book that is closed.

First I must be spotted on the book shelf.

Admired from a far either from my title, description, or context.

Then I need to be opened, my pages need to be flipped, skimmed, read, and explored.

My chapters will soon come alive, and the sequel will slowly begin to write itself in your existence.

This is my metaphor for disclosure.

We are all books.

Not all of us are open for sharing simply because we fail to see the power in truth and how valuable it is to begin everything and end everything within its realms.

Embrace the truth, your truths, and reality for what it is.

* Thanks for reading this series. *

Friday, October 8, 2010

missing it

Missing it: the point where infinity meets and overlaps. When understanding is an understatement. Finishing sentences becomes natural. And mind reading is not foreign. Emotions lived from a distance but at them same time. Words spoken within each breathe. A connection unsung.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hands on Atlanta Day 2010

Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd

This past May I completed my second year of service with Hands on Atlanta AmeriCorps program.

I started out in 2008, looking for a job, a way into the school system, a program to help me learn more about giving back, helping students, and learning new ways to advertise myself. It was all of that and more. While struggling to maintain a personal life through a car accident and numerous doctor visits... I found comfort in my job of serving.

I decided to continue my service over the summer as a summer VISTA worker with Fugees Family. We held an academic camp at Agnes Scott where the boys biked from Clarkston, attended classes, worked on group projects and were rewarded with adventurous trips to places around the city. This experience opened not just my mind to learning about different cultures, but my heart to appreciating a diversity of experiences.

And so I was back with Hands on Atlanta for the 2009 starting year. Now in a place of leadership with my own team of tutors, I was able to utilize the skills I learned in the prior terms of service. To sum it all up : I am a DOER! Things got done! There was never a dull moment while serving!

Now I am at a different place in my life. A new job. A different type of student. A different type of schooling. And yet I am still serving. Most importantly...the irony is Hands on Atlanta will be helping to beautify my school this coming Saturday on Hands on Atlanta Day.

Everything has come full circle.

##### Hands on Atlanta Day is a day of service. Throughout the city of Atlanta projects will take place at various sites, which include an array of things from cleaning to painting. Typically known for planting trees, beautifying neighborhoods, or adding murals to schools and communities, Hands on Atlanta day for me has always been a day to enjoy. #####

So please sign up for a project!
Show up at a project!
Give back your time and energy to YOUR community!
It will come full circle but only with YOUR help!

If you would like to come help at my school we are located in the East Atlanta Village area... and just shoot me an email!

Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd