Tuesday, September 21, 2010

#2: What Can You Do For Me Syndrome

#2: What can you do for me syndrome

They tell me my success is intimidating. Their pride and ego hits the shredder in my presence. They contemplate what they can do for me if I already appear to not "need" anything.

Resume: I am 24 years old, only daughter of a Southern mother and Puerto Rican father. Both my brothers are currently incarcerated with children. I have none. I am the first and only person in my immediate family to graduate with Bachelor's Degree in History/Educational Studies from Emory University. I completed two years with AmeriCorps Service Programs, living on a low income while giving back to my community through volunteering, teaching/tutoring students in math, and running an after school program. I have been writing poetry and prose for almost ten years. I love to read, and learn new things; my nickname is Wikipedia. I currently teach English, Math and Social Studies to a great group of middle schoolers (check the blog: www.wtnxt.blogspot.com). I can cook; very well if I may say so myself. I'm organized, have my own space, car, income, etc.

Now, on the outside (for a man who may have/or doesn't have) this may seem like I'm set. As if I'm too independent and there is no "Need" for a man to fit into all of this. This is because our ideals of what a man is for has been simplified to financial status, sex, and in general some type of "Support" instead a mutual exchange of checks/balances, substance, existence, and compromise.

The concept of any union between individuals, whether from friendship, intimate partners, or companionship, must be rooted from a place where both are giving something.

And so we often hear men complain about how woman are too needy, that they always have their hands out or there are so many "Gold Diggers" in Atlanta. But isn't it much easier when a woman has "Her Own" whether this means in terms of finances, education, motivational drive, or self worth. Essentially, her wants will not subtract from your needs as a man because she already has her own. The energy may just need to be shifted to other aspects.

So I wonder if this is intimidating for those who need the ego feeder of being "Needed" as a man because we have confused ourselves to misinterpret what "Need" means or requires. Too long have we played into the stereotypical gender roles society has created and we continue to perpetuate them.this point will continue in part #3: Lets Play House.

And then you have the man who confuses his reality for an image that he thinks will acquire women. Living a "Pretend/Fake lifestyle and still stuck on impressing a woman through the wrong means will only acquire the "Wrong" type of individual. Pretending to be something you are not insinuates that you are either not comfortable with your reality or afraid to let others see your truths. In terms of men, this is a possibility when one doesn't feel like they are meeting the woman at her level. In terms of woman, we usually question ourselves when another female is involved.

Nonetheless, the desire is still present, whether met with presence or presents. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't desire human contact, interaction, or companionship at some point in their life. So to assume that because everything seems right isn't always correct. Even more so, with respect to a woman "Having" this places her in the proper position to "Give" whether through conversation, cooking, having appropriate living quarters to entertain company, a stable income or a car for outings.

In terms of initial interactions, these things may/shouldn't come up. But in the conversations following there should be a discussion of ones profession, personal hobbies/likes, and goals in hope of understanding each other better. The reaction/result after these conversation can/will determine the intent of both individuals.

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