By Now

Where would we be by now

Walking out
You glanced
Your eyes met mine with silence
We both starred.
Our first meeting
You were alive, again.
As your assumptions greeted confirmations
I sat waiting for you to speak a word
Slowly lingering from each movement of your tongue.
You were alive, again.
Breathing a different air.
Next to mine
We kissed with our breath.
As we both said hello.
Not once did your eyes stray.
I was caught.

We met minds on paper before this.
Made love between lines
Constrained and separated
In different locations
Yet intertwined
We were selling our souls
With each letter.
Hoping to meet passion
Face to face.

Way before you licked
The stamp.
Sealed
The envelope.
Before you found my existence.
And ascribed your thoughts in desperation
For a voice.
I know we crossed paths twice before.
In another lifetime.
Our souls just weren't present
Our hearts weren't open
Our minds had yet to greet each other
With curiosity.
Correctly
Passionately
Truthfully

And where would we be
If all things were different
Woven on trust in the consistency of each movement
Honesty has become a game of ask and tell
Truth and dares are sealed within each anticipated letter
And if left to long
Ink grows fonder
Throwing away "please don't write me" anymore
Having scribed "I'm mad at you"
a thousand times with my heart
All because a holiday delayed our love.

We, you and i
Making pages echo
So that others around read with envy
a prize possession
Everyone soaks in our beauty
Mail time becomes literary orgy's
That I don't mind.

Let us drift to free space
Travel the world through images and scents.
My photographic memory
Sealed within fragments
For each day you have served
Our love will last another
Writing volumes
Exchanging vowels and consonants
We have created our own alphabet
Dictated by emotions.

But nothing compares to that single moment.
When eyes touch
Silence with presence
Name to face
Soul to soul
We stood speechless
For every letter wrote
Now meant nothing.
Yet everything.

And so what If I could break you away
For we have already spent time removing obstacles
Ganesh like-
Mentally
Would things change?
How would we vocalize our love?
Giving life to letters, who now see death?
Warm smiles met with envelopes
Now greeted with hugs and hold me.
What would we become?
If the mail man quit delivering hope?
And your ink ran out of motivation
If things were so much different
What's the chances we would be too.

I'd rather things remain
And I fall in love with the alphabet over and over
Or have flashbacks of your smile
How we crossed the universe
To inhale next to each other.
And with each silent moment
I can feel you
Next to me.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I hate you

I hate you.

You met me at my lowest. Yet found peaks within my vallies. Attempted to climb and shatter all records of lasting at the mountain top the longest. You win.

I hate you.

You slipped so smoothly within my day. Becoming my schedule, outlining how I will love myself first and you second within each minute. Having days overlapping, and lingering into each other.

I hate you.

How sneaky you are to have planned these sincere gestures, love lies, and mistress like nights as you cheat on sleep with me. Skipped meals for me. And ran from obligations to reorganize priorities to include the making of us.

I hate you.

The way I don't have to ask many questions because with the movement of your tongue, our thoughts are parallel, and sync. For you have answers beyond my recognition and intake. Mute to your touch. Speechless from such pleasure. I wish I could capture our silent moments.

I hate you.

Tender touches, succulent kisses. You seem to know how to nurture each portion. Nibbling at my heart with casual conversation. You have studied my pleasures. And mastered my virtues.

I hate you.

Soft and slowly you move to caress me. Massaging my ego with adjectives and affirmations. Picking at every nerve and muscle, kissing every emotion, poking fun within every moment. You have memorized my smile.

I hate you.

Blushing through conversations. Unseen. You always know. My muse. Inspiring me to create better than your existence. To live past the joy of your simple presence. Saving each memory to live within and beyond me. Our kin.

I hate you.

Caring through intentions. Moving without sight and living without weight. Letting go ego and pride, they live outside our interactions. You have managed to actually invade my privacy. And become an aspect of my personal life. Pillow Talk

I hate you.

Just when I thought it was over, before the labels, the love,the laughs and tears. You tickle my heart with necessity. Without glowing, my light wouldn't shine, you continue to turn me on, helping illuminate my spirit.

I hate you.

You know every inch of my body. The angle of every curve. The complexion of every stretch mark, location of every scar and mole. You have become entranced in my being. So much that I am now in your dreams,more than your reality.

I hate you.

You miss me. I like you. You love me. I want you. We both don't need any of this. Yet it seems to right. What about the world makes us not appreciate being loved?

I hate you.

My pages fill up about you. Completing lines and rewriting poems. You have made a name for yourself with the blog of my life. I wish it was that easy to keep you around.

I hate you.

But please don't ever leave me again.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

service

Until one is commited,
There is hesitancy,
The chance to draw back-
Concerning all acts on initiavtive and creation,
Trher is one elementary truth
That ignorance of which kills
Countless ideias and splendid plans:
That the moment one definetly commits oneself
Then provident moves too,
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,m begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
-Goethe

she said

11/2004

she said:


being alone teaches you
things about yourself
that you've never known
opening opportunitiy
and possibility
to increase
wisdom
grace
knowledge
and strength
and when united
with that special
equal
one
you can teach him
all you know.

stream

2008

love
loving life for simplicity
being simple
lust that is meaningful
meaning
reason
union
communion
communication
faith brings justice
believed
to dead ends
dead ends make new paths
new beginnings
beginnings
freedom
freedom
free from
free
from?
Lies
Matter!
Justice sells-out
Laws are written
Not practiced
Systematic failure
Corruption sequence
President people system
People system president
Hope lives
Where faith slept
Last night
Prostitute
Selling life.

New Hampshire: Day 3

I wonder what would I have preferred if I didn't know anything but. What would life be like if I were only contained within my box. Seeing everything as different and wrong, different and right, or just different.

Stuck with the reality of an illusion. Simply put the illusion of my reality being an illusion. Its much more difficult for us to not appreciate the meaning of existence. Rather than to attempt to weigh each moment on a scale of life's fuck ups and attempts. Or on your ego's should have and wish I didn't.

Its a shame that we always want to think hopeful and positive when reflecting on the possibilities of life being so much different on the other side of the fence. But what about the simple pleasures within our own realities. The things we continue to take for granted yet are quickly yearning when snatched away.

The idea of culture being so ingrained into our daily activities. into our lifestyle. Our language. Our conversation and demeanor among others. How it subtly dictates our dress and walk, and the way we interact.

Culture has become to natural that its obsolete until met with discourse, difference, or understanding. We have become so in tune with our likeness of each other that we don't appreciate our difference in the same light.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere you will soon find yourself. When surrounded by strangers you will eventually make a friend. And when left to roam the lands, one will eventually plant a seed. It is innate for us to unite and grow. In every sense of the words. We just have yet to recognize this potential, and utilize this power.

We live with so much effort, that we forget to sometimes just flow with time. That outside connections, worldly topics, multimedia vibrations, and technology can all be distractions. The mere interruptions of the best interactions available: the union of life and breath. Culture and expression. Words and thought. Action and compassion. Justice and practice. Freedom and existence. We must learn to see with our eyes closed. Thinking outside of shapes. And expanding our selves as beings. Most of all remembering it starts within.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

today

11/9/04

Lets start a revolution
A revolt
A strike
A protest
Lets uplift our communities
Lets carry them to a land
Scribed progress
Freedom
Preservation
Ambition
To a better time
A promised land
A future
Of an end
To all injustices!
We face now!
Lets start…
Today!