a glimpse into a teacher's diary...

A glimpse of a teacher’s diary... Struggling with finding peace in knowing my small efforts will one day make sense… laboring the mind seems so much more draining than manually having the body walk the actions. Caring hurts. Frustration does not exist without emotional concern.

Concepts, theories, pedagogy, training, lifestyle, changes, solutions, questions, discussions… all this and yet we circle ourselves to the same point of existence. Depending on each other for support, for encouragement, for information, for confirmation.

Yet I fail to see who advocates for those who seem weak??? When three stand out of 100, is the 3 who are great, or the 97 whom have failed us are to blame, or are weak for having accepted the malfunctions and complacency on all levels of life. Where do you point the finger... do you even point... or just do. robotic.

And when does doing become taking on a 5 headed monster that will never die, because he seems to have eternal incarnations… with difference faces, different titles, different opinions.
When does the scale actually work for its purpose of not just weighing bi polar systematic approaches and perspectives… but actually stop titling, stop leaning, and find balance between reason, and reality. Between goals and expectations. Between truth and robotic like symptoms that seemed to have programmed us that enough is okay now. Rather than reaching for more.

I don’t understand… she told me balance lies in those that keep you standing.. yet if we examine the structure of the finest buildings.. they lean and depend on what seems to be the most ironic of pillars, steal, metal plates… but what is it that holds them in place..

There are missing links.. and one day I just hope we can see the image we aim, not accept the one we have created. The beauty behind passion fruit and pineapple is they are guarded by hard, prickly, bumpy outsides… yet tender and sweet to the core. The illusion is created to mask their beauty… without the desire one would never have experience the joy of such flavor. When will our desire to have something that works… meet our action of actually trying… when will we actually taste the flavor and sweetness of personal knowledge that a system aims to assist in developing… yet that is actually only cutting our children blindfolded…

and if your lost in the imagery of my words.. I applaud you... Yet this educational system is not gem.. We must not be afraid to be the 3 out of 100... At any moment…

from afar

i watched him sleep from afar
i feel the way his body slants in the bed
hear his breathing, slowly deepen
as he travels roads sleeping in god's thrown
smell his scent, caress each portion of my soul with my senses
melt each fear in my heart
without touch
i can visualize our bodies colliding
magically intertwining
minds exploring cavities, avenues, and roads
destined for greatness
smiling from your absence
miles away i can feel your energy
beside me inside me, around me
silence, trembles, heart bumping...
eyes closed, we sleep in the same bed
together
even from afar
he is next to me.

overwhelmed overachiever

the overwhelmed overachiever... my mind just keeps running and running. the weirdest questions for people and life seem to just always spin. at times i wish i could catalog my thoughts. program them silently to re organize themselves, based on priority, efficiency, and purpose. then things would all align. and instead i write notes. verbally and visually placing value where necessary. and placing other things to the side when needed. the overachiever that sees hope in all children.. whether broken,new, fresh, fixed, healed, torn, or disruptive. yet realistic. i dont need every child, but every child needs me. balance. there is comfort in balance. when we practice success, what does it look like? when we practice 'happy' love what does it feel like? when we practice healthy expression how does it look? balance. life is balance. every day that i have that disrupts my routine... i have 5 that keep me balanced. and focused on my purpose. and the passions that keep me going.