i lived like i never lived before, i loved like i never loved before, i consumed every breathe as if it were my last eternally. I connected with the most night on a level I cant even begin to explain. My appreciation for human existence now surpasses my ability to understand. And with that I am caught, held hostage by the purity of greatness. Silent without question of why, when or how, but simply uttering thank you.
Each second spent felt like priceless hours. Confirming that words should not mean, but should be, the existence of such energy put life to each letter I managed to stutter. The stars were aligned, forming the smiles I sometimes fail to show. Not once did I frown in your presence. Not once was my soul not gleaming from the inside out -in your presence. Not once did I stop rejoicing- in your presence, even silently. Not one second did I want to leave your presence. The world could have offered me surrealism, and that wouldn't have been enough to glamorize the reality of our connection.
The future flashed before my eyes. I was silently daydreaming of being held within tomorrows embrace as if it were built on today. It all seems so foreign yet feels so familiar. Tickling my heart with emotion, I sort of like it, yet it feels so weird and different. My body is trembling from the idea of this lasting forever. Orgasmic pleasure meeting compassion and truth. And yet its only been a day of reflection. Imagine a lifetime of soaking in heaven. I wonder how my skin will glisten. Until then … I manage to stutter..thank you
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Touched...
She knows me so well.. Thankful for her presence in my life! Thanks sis:
@brittneygreene aka @blackposimage to me aka @joskidiesel:
Tonight, be true to yourself, give into your desires, but go deeper than the surface level. Explore the possibilities without exhausting all the options, enjoy being free. Relinquish your guard and JUST BE!!! I love you!!!
Joski Diesel
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Unapproachable Series: #5- Loyalty to the Truth
#5: Loyalty To The Truth:
I was having a conversation with a man the other week and I told him about this series ( same man mentioned in #4). Of course, he insisted I blog about our meeting, as if to imply that he is something spectacular (Kanye Shrug). Anyways, the main thing that stuck out in the conversation was when he asked me:
"What is the ultimate question to ask someone the first time you meet them?"
And I replied,
“What are your truths?"
As he hesitated, with a surprised look on his face . . .
It seemed like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, instead of what actually are his truths.
Then he asked why not ask someone
"What are your falsehoods?"
Wrong move.
The worst move!
Essentially, the word "False" implies negative things. When you're meeting someone for the first time, you shouldn't start a conversation off with a laundry list of negative things about yourself. How many people are actually willing to divulge this information? And what judgments or assumptions would you make about them after they're done?
The question, "What are your truths" is simply wondering what do "YOU" hold true to yourself. This can be a confirmation of your positive or negative acts, emotions, ideals, theories, etc. The fact that one is willing and able to admit their "Negative" truths, shows that they're in tune with themselves, comfortable enough to admit them, and they understand the value of truth, honesty, and disclosure.
This question is no different from asking,
"Who are you?"
But it is rested on the basis of honesty, which isn't/should everything?
My Truths:
Opinionated
Conversationalist
Controlling sometimes ( I like order and organization so this can be tuned into taking control.)
I like order and precision
Aquarius, in every sense
Learning how to say NO
Educated
Humble
Impatient
Horrible with grammar (Thankful for my Editor!)
Believe I can save one and many
Road rage
Textaholic (I need help!)
Workaholic
Planner
Teacher
Cut people off mid sentence without realizing it at times (sorry!)
Experimental
Blunt
Great cook
Learning: What's best for me is not best for you
People are for a purpose
Everything is disposable.
Now . . . was that difficult.
It seems like we hide ourselves behind the concept of truth so much that we lose site of its worth. Why run from what you already are? Are you not human enough to look into the mirror, face what you see, and accept what you can change?
There is nothing wrong with being you, even if that “You” is not who you desire to be. Its much easier to allow nature to take course first, then to make any changes you may want to improve, alter, or change the person you “Are”.
The concept of getting to know someone is unconsciously rested on the idea that both parties are speaking about their experiences, lifestyle, goals, and wants from a place of honesty. But this is not a realistic statement these days, and it seems more like a idealistic connection. It's sad that individuals are not accepting of themselves and they fear that others will not be as well. This is what lying to yourself implies in these instances. We are all works in progress, essentially only if we are working on ourselves, otherwise we have become content with our position which should render no problem in being upfront with others you may meet.
Now of course not all information about yourself should be disclosed immediately, depending on the person and the connection you want to establish. But those truths do not take away from you. And are still these truths.
An example of this:
You meet a nice gentleman. You exchange information with him, hang out a few times, enjoy each other's company. You have friendly conversations about work, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. But when do you find out their living situation, their REAL work situation, their transportation situation, you idea of the truth is transformed. Since everything that appeared during those interactions seemed “Truthful” but you didn’t have all the facts. And so now those truths become lies.
I try my best not to expect much out of others simply because it causes room for being let down, but also it decreases space for assumptions and error. While other people may believe if you do not expect things to get done, then they wont, I would rather do it myself. Just in the same sense, I don’t like to leave room for a guessing game, assumptions, or a wandering mind. I have no problem answering questions upfront and honestly, a person just needs to take the time to ask them.
I am an open book that is closed.
First I must be spotted on the book shelf.
Admired from a far either from my title, description, or context.
Then I need to be opened, my pages need to be flipped, skimmed, read, and explored.
My chapters will soon come alive, and the sequel will slowly begin to write itself in your existence.
This is my metaphor for disclosure.
We are all books.
Not all of us are open for sharing simply because we fail to see the power in truth and how valuable it is to begin everything and end everything within its realms.
Embrace the truth, your truths, and reality for what it is.
* Thanks for reading this series. *
I was having a conversation with a man the other week and I told him about this series ( same man mentioned in #4). Of course, he insisted I blog about our meeting, as if to imply that he is something spectacular (Kanye Shrug). Anyways, the main thing that stuck out in the conversation was when he asked me:
"What is the ultimate question to ask someone the first time you meet them?"
And I replied,
“What are your truths?"
As he hesitated, with a surprised look on his face . . .
It seemed like he was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, instead of what actually are his truths.
Then he asked why not ask someone
"What are your falsehoods?"
Wrong move.
The worst move!
Essentially, the word "False" implies negative things. When you're meeting someone for the first time, you shouldn't start a conversation off with a laundry list of negative things about yourself. How many people are actually willing to divulge this information? And what judgments or assumptions would you make about them after they're done?
The question, "What are your truths" is simply wondering what do "YOU" hold true to yourself. This can be a confirmation of your positive or negative acts, emotions, ideals, theories, etc. The fact that one is willing and able to admit their "Negative" truths, shows that they're in tune with themselves, comfortable enough to admit them, and they understand the value of truth, honesty, and disclosure.
This question is no different from asking,
"Who are you?"
But it is rested on the basis of honesty, which isn't/should everything?
My Truths:
Opinionated
Conversationalist
Controlling sometimes ( I like order and organization so this can be tuned into taking control.)
I like order and precision
Aquarius, in every sense
Learning how to say NO
Educated
Humble
Impatient
Horrible with grammar (Thankful for my Editor!)
Believe I can save one and many
Road rage
Textaholic (I need help!)
Workaholic
Planner
Teacher
Cut people off mid sentence without realizing it at times (sorry!)
Experimental
Blunt
Great cook
Learning: What's best for me is not best for you
People are for a purpose
Everything is disposable.
Now . . . was that difficult.
It seems like we hide ourselves behind the concept of truth so much that we lose site of its worth. Why run from what you already are? Are you not human enough to look into the mirror, face what you see, and accept what you can change?
There is nothing wrong with being you, even if that “You” is not who you desire to be. Its much easier to allow nature to take course first, then to make any changes you may want to improve, alter, or change the person you “Are”.
The concept of getting to know someone is unconsciously rested on the idea that both parties are speaking about their experiences, lifestyle, goals, and wants from a place of honesty. But this is not a realistic statement these days, and it seems more like a idealistic connection. It's sad that individuals are not accepting of themselves and they fear that others will not be as well. This is what lying to yourself implies in these instances. We are all works in progress, essentially only if we are working on ourselves, otherwise we have become content with our position which should render no problem in being upfront with others you may meet.
Now of course not all information about yourself should be disclosed immediately, depending on the person and the connection you want to establish. But those truths do not take away from you. And are still these truths.
An example of this:
You meet a nice gentleman. You exchange information with him, hang out a few times, enjoy each other's company. You have friendly conversations about work, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. But when do you find out their living situation, their REAL work situation, their transportation situation, you idea of the truth is transformed. Since everything that appeared during those interactions seemed “Truthful” but you didn’t have all the facts. And so now those truths become lies.
I try my best not to expect much out of others simply because it causes room for being let down, but also it decreases space for assumptions and error. While other people may believe if you do not expect things to get done, then they wont, I would rather do it myself. Just in the same sense, I don’t like to leave room for a guessing game, assumptions, or a wandering mind. I have no problem answering questions upfront and honestly, a person just needs to take the time to ask them.
I am an open book that is closed.
First I must be spotted on the book shelf.
Admired from a far either from my title, description, or context.
Then I need to be opened, my pages need to be flipped, skimmed, read, and explored.
My chapters will soon come alive, and the sequel will slowly begin to write itself in your existence.
This is my metaphor for disclosure.
We are all books.
Not all of us are open for sharing simply because we fail to see the power in truth and how valuable it is to begin everything and end everything within its realms.
Embrace the truth, your truths, and reality for what it is.
* Thanks for reading this series. *
Friday, October 8, 2010
missing it
Missing it: the point where infinity meets and overlaps. When understanding is an understatement. Finishing sentences becomes natural. And mind reading is not foreign. Emotions lived from a distance but at them same time. Words spoken within each breathe. A connection unsung.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Hands on Atlanta Day 2010
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
This past May I completed my second year of service with Hands on Atlanta AmeriCorps program.
I started out in 2008, looking for a job, a way into the school system, a program to help me learn more about giving back, helping students, and learning new ways to advertise myself. It was all of that and more. While struggling to maintain a personal life through a car accident and numerous doctor visits... I found comfort in my job of serving.
I decided to continue my service over the summer as a summer VISTA worker with Fugees Family. We held an academic camp at Agnes Scott where the boys biked from Clarkston, attended classes, worked on group projects and were rewarded with adventurous trips to places around the city. This experience opened not just my mind to learning about different cultures, but my heart to appreciating a diversity of experiences.
And so I was back with Hands on Atlanta for the 2009 starting year. Now in a place of leadership with my own team of tutors, I was able to utilize the skills I learned in the prior terms of service. To sum it all up : I am a DOER! Things got done! There was never a dull moment while serving!
Now I am at a different place in my life. A new job. A different type of student. A different type of schooling. And yet I am still serving. Most importantly...the irony is Hands on Atlanta will be helping to beautify my school this coming Saturday on Hands on Atlanta Day.
Everything has come full circle.
##### Hands on Atlanta Day is a day of service. Throughout the city of Atlanta projects will take place at various sites, which include an array of things from cleaning to painting. Typically known for planting trees, beautifying neighborhoods, or adding murals to schools and communities, Hands on Atlanta day for me has always been a day to enjoy. #####
www.handsonatlanta.org
So please sign up for a project!
Show up at a project!
Give back your time and energy to YOUR community!
It will come full circle but only with YOUR help!
If you would like to come help at my school we are located in the East Atlanta Village area... and just shoot me an email!
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
THANK YOU
October 2nd
9am-1pm
This past May I completed my second year of service with Hands on Atlanta AmeriCorps program.
I started out in 2008, looking for a job, a way into the school system, a program to help me learn more about giving back, helping students, and learning new ways to advertise myself. It was all of that and more. While struggling to maintain a personal life through a car accident and numerous doctor visits... I found comfort in my job of serving.
I decided to continue my service over the summer as a summer VISTA worker with Fugees Family. We held an academic camp at Agnes Scott where the boys biked from Clarkston, attended classes, worked on group projects and were rewarded with adventurous trips to places around the city. This experience opened not just my mind to learning about different cultures, but my heart to appreciating a diversity of experiences.
And so I was back with Hands on Atlanta for the 2009 starting year. Now in a place of leadership with my own team of tutors, I was able to utilize the skills I learned in the prior terms of service. To sum it all up : I am a DOER! Things got done! There was never a dull moment while serving!
Now I am at a different place in my life. A new job. A different type of student. A different type of schooling. And yet I am still serving. Most importantly...the irony is Hands on Atlanta will be helping to beautify my school this coming Saturday on Hands on Atlanta Day.
Everything has come full circle.
##### Hands on Atlanta Day is a day of service. Throughout the city of Atlanta projects will take place at various sites, which include an array of things from cleaning to painting. Typically known for planting trees, beautifying neighborhoods, or adding murals to schools and communities, Hands on Atlanta day for me has always been a day to enjoy. #####
www.handsonatlanta.org
So please sign up for a project!
Show up at a project!
Give back your time and energy to YOUR community!
It will come full circle but only with YOUR help!
If you would like to come help at my school we are located in the East Atlanta Village area... and just shoot me an email!
Hands on Atlanta day
October 2nd
9am-1pm
THANK YOU
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
For my brothers "Imagine"
Imagine getting the phone call that everything has changed
Imagine feeling you are reliving whips and chains
Imagine thinking everything in life pays
Imagine miSsing birthdays and your own parties for arraignment
Imagine never touching your newborn twins hands
Imagine loving three sons you never planned
Imagine not knowing when you will see a real bed again
Worrying about sentencing,reality,business, and family
Imagine traveling the states in a way you never envisioned
Transferring from facility to facility
Networking from the inside like your making moves out
Imagine still being on top even when everyone says otherwise
People wearing shirts saying free you
Missing you, like they mourning you
Imagine being smarter than your wise mentors
Knowledge prior to trial and tribulations
Read all those books before you made this bed you're laying in
48 laws of powerful reminders
Imagine still being a parent
Checking in on meals, activities and engagements
First days of school
Hearing "I wuv you" for the first time
Silly laughs, giggles and miss you's from children you never seen
Imagine adapting to everything foreign yet familiar
Since this isn't your first time
Imagine reliving your denials, replaying your moves
consciously playing chess
Risking pawns for the king
Everyday is a game of strategy
Imagine sleeping on the top bunk for years
Straight climbing over dudes
Physically and metaphorically
Grinding in baby steps, learning to walk through
Imagine living among strangers
Who now become your family of goons
At any moment it could all be over for someone
Humanity is temporary
The end always comes soon.
Imagine your only way of communicating is with words
Spoken truths of your reality that soon should have been over a while ago
What happens when you don't feel like writing?
Who will know your joys and pains?
Imagine you've lived off quality cuisine for years
Now you're shifted like cattle
Meals are never cooked fully
Barely seasoned
And your body rejects everything.
How would you survive?
Imagine bathing in a common area
All eyes on you pretty boy
Who is tough now?
But what happens when you are homesick?
Imagine you haven't seen a familiar face in months
Or what it feels like to hug a loved one
What is familiarity when everything is temporary?
Imagine your freedom is all just a state of being
Powered by your mind
The art of war then becomes internal
Balancing yourself within yourself
Are you ready to face the mirror?
Imagine existing,
Adapting
Making it.
Imagine this is you.
Your loved one.
Your kin.
Imagine this is the story of one.
But the life of many.
Reality is real.
Don't imagine.
Imagine feeling you are reliving whips and chains
Imagine thinking everything in life pays
Imagine miSsing birthdays and your own parties for arraignment
Imagine never touching your newborn twins hands
Imagine loving three sons you never planned
Imagine not knowing when you will see a real bed again
Worrying about sentencing,reality,business, and family
Imagine traveling the states in a way you never envisioned
Transferring from facility to facility
Networking from the inside like your making moves out
Imagine still being on top even when everyone says otherwise
People wearing shirts saying free you
Missing you, like they mourning you
Imagine being smarter than your wise mentors
Knowledge prior to trial and tribulations
Read all those books before you made this bed you're laying in
48 laws of powerful reminders
Imagine still being a parent
Checking in on meals, activities and engagements
First days of school
Hearing "I wuv you" for the first time
Silly laughs, giggles and miss you's from children you never seen
Imagine adapting to everything foreign yet familiar
Since this isn't your first time
Imagine reliving your denials, replaying your moves
consciously playing chess
Risking pawns for the king
Everyday is a game of strategy
Imagine sleeping on the top bunk for years
Straight climbing over dudes
Physically and metaphorically
Grinding in baby steps, learning to walk through
Imagine living among strangers
Who now become your family of goons
At any moment it could all be over for someone
Humanity is temporary
The end always comes soon.
Imagine your only way of communicating is with words
Spoken truths of your reality that soon should have been over a while ago
What happens when you don't feel like writing?
Who will know your joys and pains?
Imagine you've lived off quality cuisine for years
Now you're shifted like cattle
Meals are never cooked fully
Barely seasoned
And your body rejects everything.
How would you survive?
Imagine bathing in a common area
All eyes on you pretty boy
Who is tough now?
But what happens when you are homesick?
Imagine you haven't seen a familiar face in months
Or what it feels like to hug a loved one
What is familiarity when everything is temporary?
Imagine your freedom is all just a state of being
Powered by your mind
The art of war then becomes internal
Balancing yourself within yourself
Are you ready to face the mirror?
Imagine existing,
Adapting
Making it.
Imagine this is you.
Your loved one.
Your kin.
Imagine this is the story of one.
But the life of many.
Reality is real.
Don't imagine.
Joski Diesel
Blog Feature: AinHD-----Post: "Feed the People"
AinHD is a beautiful sistah queen!
Please check out her blog : http://ainhd.blogspot.com/
I'm blessed. In spite of the stress from family, school and scrounging up moments for my creative process - I eat. I know that I'll never go hungry. I know that I'll always have a place to lay my head. Sometimes, I sleep well having these comforts, but I'm also tormented by that fact that so many people lack what many of us consider 'simple pleasures'. Food, clothing and shelter is not a given - it should be. Unfortunately, in our hypocritical, dream-selling, capitalistic 'democracy', we have an alarming number of disenfranchised people who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. This is where FTP comes in.
While many large nonprofit businesses hoard money and boast colorless directors, FTP is of and for the people. I've enjoyed being around the positive energy of these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, artists, revolutionaries and agents of change. It's such a incredible feeling to hit the streets with a grassroots organization that truly turns thought into action.
With that, I challenge Metro Atlanta - and I leave you with a piece from my collection [If] Life's Rotten, Write to the Core.
To My Skin Deep Revolutionaries
My lyrics send intangible postcards
To pseudo intellects and skin-deep revolutionaries
“I wish you were here”
Because I refuse to spit sacrificial rhymes in ya ear
Which I release into space in the form of art
And abandon when I get them off my heart
I’m trying to reach beyond being a well-versed revolutionary
And transform into a rehearsed revolutionary
I’d rather turn my black back against the system
Than floss a koufe yellin’ “Black is back son!”
In the form of a souped-up poem
Having rhyme but no reason
Other than the fact that the notion of bucking the system is in season
Like cats who like to wear their poems
You know the type who find a cause and try it on
Like those really earthy kids who think being socially conscious
Is synonymous with wearing a multitude of buttons
Transforming themselves into walking slogans
So at best I can slap a skin-deep revolutionary on my bumper
One who, like me, knows the system is still a virgin
But don’t realize to get by we’ve got to do more than hump her with words
We’ve gotta love her with verbs
Love her until she bleeds justice and breeds equality
And accepts the responsibility of taking care of our black babies
I’ve gotta be more than a skin-deep revolutionary
A pseudo intellect or a watered-down activist
Taking advantage of words and neglecting action
Like those who sub their bling with beads to prepare
For their poems on Sierra Leone
Because their revolution is only skin deep
But I want my revolution to scream like me
So this is my lyrical postcard, and “I wish you were here”
Please check out her blog : http://ainhd.blogspot.com/
I'm blessed. In spite of the stress from family, school and scrounging up moments for my creative process - I eat. I know that I'll never go hungry. I know that I'll always have a place to lay my head. Sometimes, I sleep well having these comforts, but I'm also tormented by that fact that so many people lack what many of us consider 'simple pleasures'. Food, clothing and shelter is not a given - it should be. Unfortunately, in our hypocritical, dream-selling, capitalistic 'democracy', we have an alarming number of disenfranchised people who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. This is where FTP comes in.
While many large nonprofit businesses hoard money and boast colorless directors, FTP is of and for the people. I've enjoyed being around the positive energy of these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, artists, revolutionaries and agents of change. It's such a incredible feeling to hit the streets with a grassroots organization that truly turns thought into action.
With that, I challenge Metro Atlanta - and I leave you with a piece from my collection [If] Life's Rotten, Write to the Core.
To My Skin Deep Revolutionaries
My lyrics send intangible postcards
To pseudo intellects and skin-deep revolutionaries
“I wish you were here”
Because I refuse to spit sacrificial rhymes in ya ear
Which I release into space in the form of art
And abandon when I get them off my heart
I’m trying to reach beyond being a well-versed revolutionary
And transform into a rehearsed revolutionary
I’d rather turn my black back against the system
Than floss a koufe yellin’ “Black is back son!”
In the form of a souped-up poem
Having rhyme but no reason
Other than the fact that the notion of bucking the system is in season
Like cats who like to wear their poems
You know the type who find a cause and try it on
Like those really earthy kids who think being socially conscious
Is synonymous with wearing a multitude of buttons
Transforming themselves into walking slogans
So at best I can slap a skin-deep revolutionary on my bumper
One who, like me, knows the system is still a virgin
But don’t realize to get by we’ve got to do more than hump her with words
We’ve gotta love her with verbs
Love her until she bleeds justice and breeds equality
And accepts the responsibility of taking care of our black babies
I’ve gotta be more than a skin-deep revolutionary
A pseudo intellect or a watered-down activist
Taking advantage of words and neglecting action
Like those who sub their bling with beads to prepare
For their poems on Sierra Leone
Because their revolution is only skin deep
But I want my revolution to scream like me
So this is my lyrical postcard, and “I wish you were here”
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